Millennial Pink Is Older Than Recorded History


A team of scientists working at the Australian National University say they have found the world’s oldest color—jeez, finally—and guess what haters, it’s millennial pink. Basically.

This color—described by the scientists as a “bright pink”—is thought to be at least half a billion years older than the previous contenders for the world’s oldest color. Suckers!

The Ph.D. student (you go, girl) who made this discovery by crushing up some rocks said in a statement:

“The bright pink pigments are the molecular fossils of chlorophyll that were produced by ancient photosynthetic organisms inhabiting an ancient ocean that has long since vanished.”

Whoa!! This is huge? The team’s lead researcher added:

“And the molecules we’ve found were not from a large creature but microscopic organisms because animals didn’t exist at that time. That’s the amazing thing.”

Looks like the millennial pink fixation did not start with millennials, people. It started with dinosaurs. Protozoans. Single-celled organisms. The color pink is older than all of them. Who’s the trendy one now??

So the next time you’re at Urban Outfitters and debating about whether that off-pink shower curtain will be passé in a year, don’t worry. Just remember: Pink is the oldest color we know, older than the fucking triceratops, and you can bet your ass it’s going to outlive us all.

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