Newly Divorced Eva Longoria Wants To Cry

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Eva Longoria is on the April cover of Allure, and inside, she discusses life after her divorce: “I’m kind of having to find new patterns because I’m not used to having — I’m used to always being on a plane and flying to a basketball game… It’s been — every time I talk about it, I want to cry. It’s been hard. Very hard. I’m just trying to get through it as gracefully as possible without any drama.” Breakups fucking suck. [Allure via Just Jared]

Kacey Jordan, the adult film star who partied with Charlie Sheen back in January, tried to kill herself last night, according to cops in Chicago. Yesterday she tweeted, “I don’t want to live past 30” and “i took a bunch of pills…drank a hotel size bottle of jack… stumbled to the bathroom to weigh myself………86 lbs.” and “i have a family to live for… i’m not trying to kill myself.” TMZ reports: “Law enforcement sources tell us Jordan had cuts and scrapes to her wrists and arms… but insisted the suicide messages were merely a publicity stunt.” Jordan is now in a hospital, where she has tweeted, “I’m Soooo bored in this hospital bed! I wanna have someone save me…” [TMZ, Twitter]

The oh-so-lifelike wide-eyed love robot from The Bachelor, Brad Womack, picked Emily Maynard, the blonde single mom. Quoth he, “You’re the one. You’re my once in a lifetime. I’m asking you to give me your forever.” And scene! [OMG]

  • One of Charlie Sheen‘s goddesses has done a condom PSA. [AdWeek]
  • Charlie Sheen is moving out of Sober Valley Lodge and into a home two doors down from Paris Hilton. There goes the neighborhood. [Radar Online]
  • A young Hollywood actress has been caught snorting cocaine on video, but she is not named in the story at the link. We do know that she is a brunette, wearing a pink tank top and a black and white cardigan. In the clip, she sits at a table “lined with mounds of cocaine and rolled up $100 bills used for snorting.” Also, she’s not the only famous person in the footage. Any guesses? [Radar Online]
  • Ryan Phillippe‘s ex — model slash actress Alexis Knapp — is pregnant. Ryan is allegedly willing to take a DNA test to find out if he spawned the unborn child. [Us, TMZ, Page Six]
  • Avril Lavigne got a safety pin tattooed on her neck, so if you lose a button, ask her for help. [Just Jared]
  • Zac Efron also has a new tattoo. [Buzzfeed]
  • Jersey Shore‘s Angelina Pivarnick says of The Situation: “I think Mike is gay. I think he’s gay because of the way he talks and the way he abuses girls. He talks down to women. I didn’t have sex with him but to be honest with you, to get a girl riled up to the point where you want to have sex, he doesn’t even know how to do that. I honestly feel like he’s in the closet right now; he doesn’t want to come out.” His rep responded by calling Angelina a “circus sideshow.” [Digital Spy]
  • In the midst of all kinds of other mayhem he’s dealing with, Mel Gibson‘s daughter gave birth to a baby boy over the weekend. [TMZ]
  • Russell Brand used to smash dead animals with a hammer and throw them into the audience at shows. He explains, “I was addicted to crack and heroin at that time … I’ve always had some destructive tendencies and I was unstable.” [NYDN]
  • Tony Hawk‘s love life: Pretty fucking messy. [Page Six]
  • Gilbert Gottfried tweeted a bunch of jokes about the disaster in Japan and has since been fired as the voice of the Aflac duck. [TMZ]
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