Open Thread: A Forum to Reflect Upon the Summer Penis 


Recently Tracy Moore, writing for Mel Magazine, identified a seriously neglected phenomenon which is now officially A Thing: the summer penis. The theory goes that of all the great gifts bestowed by the summer goddess, such as mayonnaise, shorts, and slutty tankinis, she also delivers a swelling of schlongs which is essentially the antithesis of pool shrinkage. Moore spoke with specialists, and lo and behold, discovered that summer penis is real.

Urologist Dudley Danoff confirmed to Moore that, while warmth does not enable the penis to exceed its greatest potential size, it does cause blood vessels to dilate which causes erections to swell to their “generic limit.” He tells her:

…if we think of the penis as these two sausage casings that fill with blood, and the one channel that carries the urine, then the sausage casing will swell and expand to its genetic limit depending on the volume of blood. The increased blood flow will increase, and the corpora [the erectile tissue] will be expanded, and the penis will be ‘larger.’

He went on to hint that hot tubs are orgy cesspools for a reason.

The topic opens a Pandora’s box of pressing questions about summer body stuff well beyond genitalia. Why do I have swamp-butt, can eyeballs sweat?, is my face swelling, and if so, is that why my selfies are bad?, is this how big my feet actually are, or do I have “summer foot”?, does “dilation” mean I pee faster, and at what temperature does the overall sausage casing of the entire human blood sac settle into its resting state? Does this help to explain why 74 degrees is the perfect temperature? Here’s a zone to explore and discuss below.

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