Yesterday, Panda Express broke down a barrier no one knew existed or cared about when they became the first major fast food chain to announce a kale dish on their menu. I’m still trying to figure out how no one has asked them “why?”
The dish is apparently kale, shiitake mushrooms, broccoli, and chicken breast, which…I mean…ok, Panda Express. You do you, I guess?
I…just…why?! Who, exactly, was clamoring for a kale dish from Panda Express? I actually quite like Panda Express — it has as much relation to Chinese food as a Speak N’ Spell has to HAL9000, but at least it’s tasty and vaguely Asian-esque enough that you can pretend you’re not just eating moderately re-branded breaded chicken. The kicker is that I also like kale. I like both of these things! I should be the theoretical target market for this product, but all I can feel is foreboding. Not a good sign for this dish, Panda Express.
That’s not to say anything of the fact that anyone who has ever tried to cook with shiitake mushrooms knows what finicky little beasts they can be; there’s a reason fast food companies haven’t exactly leapt at their menu inclusion. Shiitakes done right are fantastic, but…Panda Express? I mean…you guys know you can’t just deep-fry them and call it a day, right, guys? When someone who likes literally every ingredient in your product is wary, you might want to re-think your approach.
Also, it’s worth noting: their other new dish is apparently going to be Orange Chicken with Bacon, which HOLY SHIT GIVE ME THAT RIGHT NOW.