Presenting: The Wildest Looks from Fashion Month (So Far)

Well, we’ve arrived at the time of the year where spring still feels a bit too far away and we’re all drowning in our own ennui. In the interest of distracting you from the stress, chaos and utter darkness of the world around us, let’s talk about something far more fun: Fashion Month.

Lest you’ve lost track of where we’re at, we’ve bid adieu to New York and London Fashion Week this year and are in the throes of Milan Fashion Week. Paris is still to come, but the looks— both on and off the runway — thus far have not disappointed. We’ve been given everything from dominatrix to Euphoria high school to space bitch, all while the celebs have made their respective cameos. (We didn’t think it was possible that Kim Kardashian owned that much leather, but we learn something new every day.)

Let’s take a closer look at Fashion Month so far, shall we?

Milan Fashion Week: Okay, sure Julia Fox is deeply channeling Jennifer Garner in Alias here, but the larger issue is what’s going on when she sits down. There is absolutely no way in hell her labia isn’t exposed in some way. Not a complaint, just an observation.

Diesel, Milan Fashion Week: While I respect Diesel’s commitment to metal here, again, I have to wonder about the commitment that skirt has to staying on her body.

Diesel, Milan Fashion Week: Giant coats are always a great time, and this enormous fluffy pink one is working overtime: Not only does it look massively cozy, but it’s already vaguely dirty looking, so if you get anything on it, no one will be able to tell. 10/10 would recommend.

Prada, Milan Fashion Week: Kim Kardashian wore this leather on leather moment at Prada, and it’s most startling because I never thought I’d see Kim in grellow (yes, that’s yellow that’s got a tinge of green to it, also known more snobbily as “chartreuse”). Not not loving it for her—honestly, I’m sweating just looking at her. Somebody bring her a spray fan.

Preen, London Fashion Week: It’s grunge meets Beetlejuice meets Vivienne Westwood in the ‘70s, which, of course, is more simply “Hot Topic teen grows up.”

Act 1, Milan Fashion Week: If you don’t look close enough, you just may miss the fingernails.

KWK by Kay Kwok, London Fashion Week: This look has everything. Fuzzy textures, jewel tones, understated accessories, CALF EXPOSURE. I appreciate how it embraces chaos in that it makes you wonder what climate it’s meant for. Perhaps just Burning Man.

Outside Roksanda, London Fashion Week: This guest is the moment. They are the sun and the air. I want to wear this entire look and also eat it.

Helen Anthony, London Fashion Week: Just absolute king shit. Unclear if I’m in love with this man or just transfixed by his chest hair.

Preen, London Fashion Week: I know this whole show was about “expressive modeling” and showing the looks through dance, but if I saw this woman walking towards me — at any time of day — I’d run for the damn hills. She’s in a tutu with fur on her feet and looking at me like that? Absolutely not. Nope. Gotta go.

Richard Quinn, London Fashion Week: This embodies my current emotional state this month and that’s all I have to say about that.

Richard Quinn, London Fashion Week: BDSM icons. No notes.

Backstage at 16Arlington, London Fashion Week: These looks are serving Euphoria high school elite, while also saying, “If you leave the room, we will rip you and your pathetic excuse for an outfit into pieces.” Loving the sea-foam green.

Moschino, Milan Fashion Week: Bella Hadid’s face is one of those perfect visages that makes me physically ill when I see it, because I’m overcome by how I will never get to kiss it or see it in the mirror.

Gottmikk backstage at Roberto Cavalli, Milan Fashion Week: Getting this on and off would be an absolute nightmare (how does one pee???), but love the duality. Sans heels, you can totally wear this look to get post-show gelato and then to the beach!!!

Yu Masui outside Sunnei, Milan Fashion Week: This person just took the hungover-in-sunglasses look to the next level. Respect. Can relate.