Thanksgiving is nearly upon us, and everyone has already made plans that are either in accordance with the CDC’s recommendations or based on their own personal risk continuum. We at Jezebel are not interested in judging or chiding anyone about what to do in this hell time of year, because everyone’s family is different and their lives, their own. However, I do have a gentle suggestion that would also be a nice activity if you find yourself having a bad Thanksgiving, no Thanksgiving, or just eating pumpkin pie alone: This year, get yourself a tree, even if you don’t think Christmas is real.
The weirdness of this year’s first big pandemic holiday will likely carry over to Christmas as we buckle up and head right on in to a long-ass winter. Even though “Christmas” is in the name, a tree is not religious and is instead just a nice thing to have in the home: smells good, looks nice, and twinkles with lights if you feel like it. Live trees are fun but I suppose they are bad for the environment, and also, a bit messy; I haven’t had a Christmas tree since I was maybe 9 years old, but I have vague memories of the tree’s undercarriage requiring a skirt and also watering. This is far too fussy for me now, and also I don’t know if cats are allergic to pine needles. Generally, I am a grinch but this year I want a fake pink tree with branches I can fluff myself, so that I can lay on the couch and stare at its lights while the Yule log crackles on my TV.
A fake tree is my surefire way to safeguard against the overwhelming Sunday scaries feeling that creeps up now when I least expect it: Tuesdays while doing the dishes; Friday afternoons when the sun starts to set; Saturdays between the hours of 11 A.M. and 1 P.M. Leaning into the Christmas spirit is less about swearing fealty to the baby Jesus and more about finding nibbles of “joy” or something like it in the dregs of this cursed year. (Also, you don’t need a ring light for your butt selfies if you take said photos in front of your lil’ baby tree.) We’re all alone together, as the celebrities said during Season 1 of this terrible television program, the pandemic. Maybe it’ll be nicer to endure if there’s a Christmas tree in the house.