How to Vote Responsibly for People’s Sexiest Man Alive 2023

It’s no secret that voter turnout is much higher in years when there are presidential elections. But that doesn’t mean off-year elections aren’t incredibly important to a functioning democracy. And more so, off-year elections that are inherently apolitical and have zero impact on our day-to-day lives are critical, too. That’s why Jezebel is providing our cherished readers with a voting guide for the People’s Sexiest Man Alive ballot, so you can go into the voting booth confident that you’re making the right decision for you and your family.

While readers do not have direct say in who is named the Sexiest Man Alive on November 8, we are able to vote right now in polls for niche sexy categories like Sexiest Grandpa and Sexiest Blockbuster Star. Our voting guide will help familiarize you with some of the esteemed candidates in each category and suggest things that make them hot (pros) and things that detract from said hotness (cons). Physical attributes won’t be taken into consideration because, as we all know, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and “sexiness” actually extends way beyond the furrow of a man’s brow. Chiseled abs become a lot less hot when the man possessing them is rude to his wife!

There are years when the People Magazine staff chose correctly (Paul Rudd, George Clooney, Idris Elba) and years when the reigning Sexy Man was so upsettingly un-sexy (Blake Shelton, Johnny Depp) that it destabilized the sex-onomy (sexy economy). So think long and hard about who you’re casting your vote for, because it could inform the decision of the elite voting body. For example, electing that guy from The Bachelor/The Bachelorette/Bachelor in Paradise, Nick Viall, as Sexiest Podcaster might have long-lasting ramifications for those who think they deserve to give advice into a microphone for an hour and could sway the ultimate title.

Godspeed, intrepid voters.

Starting off with an easy category, hot men in their natural habitat: television.

Pros: Can at the very least pretend to be a great cook.

Cons: Seems to be calling the paps on himself post-divorce, to snap pics of him jogging and making out.

Pros: Jury Duty was incredibly funny!

Cons: He might want to regale you with tales of starring in Boss Baby 2.

Pros: Does a stellar job impersonating a young Magic Johnson.

Cons: No obvious cons, but he is relatively unknown compared to the other nominees.

Pros: Is going to direct the upcoming Crying in H-Mart movie. Hot!

Cons: His character in White Lotus was incredibly annoying.

Being athletic is one of the easiest ways to be hot in the sexy man canon. Though, it is also the easiest way to be a completely unknown to me. That didn’t stop me from looking up these men to keep you, dear voter, informed.

Pros: Has a car. Supports women driving similar cars.

Cons: Sponsored by Monster Energy—I imagine he drinks a lot of the stuff? Bleh.

Pros: Is allegedly “quietly hanging out” with Taylor Swift. Sounds like a nice thing to do with a man.

Cons: Was weird about Taylor Swift not hanging out with him after her show? She has to rest!

Pros: I admittedly know very little about baseball star Ohtani except that he is very good at pitching and hitting home runs. So it sounds like he is good at his job? Hot.

Cons: I will reserve judgement on this man I know very little of, though perhaps that is evidence he is still a few years off from earning the title.

Pros: Pro-abortion rights king!!

Cons: Has been rocking a hauntingly ‘90s haircut recently.

Music? Almost always hot and can be made hotter when a hot person is making said music. Don’t ask me how, it’s just the science of sound!

Pros: These photos of him diving. Looks like he can rescue you when you’re drowning.

Cons: He robbed Beyoncé of Album of the Year at this year’s Grammys.

Pros: Faith Hill-approved.

Cons: Seems like cowboy hat stays ON at all times...

Pros: “Great songs, beautiful songs,” is all I can say, à la Aretha Franklin.

Cons: He called Ciara a bad mom!!!

Pros: It’s high time we have a sexually fluid Sexiest Man Alive.

Cons: I fear Kris Jenner might become too powerful if one of her daughter’s beaus is named Sexiest Man Alive.

This category fits closest to the overall winner of Sexiest Man Alive, and even boasts some past winners. Choose wisely...

Pros: Handled the whole Matthew Perry wishing him dead thing pretty well.

Cons: Unclear if any exist....

Pros: Said he was a feminist because his mum is a feminist. Sure! Respect.

Cons: Hemsworth’s Disney+ show Limitless got my dad interested in intermittent fasting... 🙁

Pros: Seems to genuinely like his mom!

Cons: Lived with her until he was 32!

Pros: Looks lovely in a sheer blouse.

Cons: Holds the terror of creating the atomic bomb in his eyes forever now.

Alright, I have to be honest with you, readers. I do not know who a single one of these TikTok stars are, and in an act of self-preservation, I will not look them up. I also don’t think it is wise to inflate their egos any more than they likely are. But if you have to vote, “Pottery Boy” has piqued my interest.

Pros: [NULL]

Cons: [NULL]

Pros: [NULL]

Cons: [NULL]

Pros: [NULL]

Cons: [NULL]

Pros: [NULL]

Cons: [NULL]

Weird category for sure, but I think if society is going to fetishize new moms we can do the same for new dads...

Pros: Starred in a Nicki Minaj music video. Good for him!

Cons: I think it took him about four months before he used his daughter in sponsored content.

Pros: See below...

Cons: Has gone golfing with Donald Trump...

Pros: Has distanced himself from a transphobe. Hot!

Cons: Child star; probably a lot of stuff going on with that.

Pros: British

Cons: Taylor Swift’s ex

Here is the election for high-ranking Ken-ergy advisor. Yes, all of these men possess it, but who uses it most efficiently?

Pros: Keeps saying incredibly kind and doting things about his wife, Eva Mendes. Very hot.

Cons: Is a better dancer than you. Will humiliate you on the dance floor.

Pros: Remember when he had that hot, flirtatious cameo with Chrishell on Selling Sunset? I do.

Cons: Has a history of misogyny and homophobia. Booo!

Pros: Fifteenth Doctor Who! Sexy nerd supremacy!

Cons: Do not see downsides!

Pros: He earns sexy points for being a weird kid with a pet tarantula who grew up into hot weirdo.

Cons: No obvious downsides at the moment!

Because there is seemingly no upper age limit to when society deems men sexy (an honor not bestowed on women), here are the grandfathers we get to vote on.

Pros: Can keep you updated about the weather.

Cons: His Charlie Brown costume still haunts me.

Pros: Caused Piers Morgan to have a meltdown after saying James Bond should be played by a woman.

Cons: Praised President Trump, saying that “what he’s done for the economy is very good.”

Pros: Was in a Christmas movie with partner Goldie Hawn—seems amenable to being silly!

Cons: Once described himself as a “hardcore” libertarian. Chills.

Pros: Eats poon.

Cons: He had to apologize for suggesting that eating poon caused his tongue cancer...

All morning show hosts have an affable sexiness as per their job description. I don’t think you can really go wrong with any of these guys. Just look at their warm, apolitical smiles.

Pros: Seems nice!

Pros: Seems nice!

Pros: Seems nice!

Pros: Seems nice!

Obviously this is a difficult category—real “lesser of four evils” vibes.
“Sexiest” when describing a podcaster takes like oil to water. Nevertheless, we persist...

Pros: Is vulnerable on his podcast? Idk man...

Cons: Treats travel inconveniences as opportunity to make content.

Pros: Friendly with his exes.

Cons: All his romantic partners have his same name...

Pros: Regularly gets beautiful and intricate manicures!

Cons: I will state the obvious: has a podcast!

Pros: Is part of Jojo Siwa’s “chosen family”?? Again, this is hard.

Cons: Is Nick Viall?

Laughter is a great way to shuffle up a few rungs on the hotness scale. Blind folks with your follies!

Pros: Once rightfully labelled Dax Shepard a 6.57 on the hotness scale.

Cons: No obvious cons! Huge!

Pros: Up to date on the news!

Cons: Might be currently unemployed post-Daily Show?

Pros: Not Jimmy Fallon!

Cons: That’s not enough to elect you to this position...

Pros: Looks nice in a suit!

Cons: Still not sure about the relationship timeline between his romantic partners.

I am disqualifying this category on terms of voter fraud. As hot as Pedro Pascal is, he cannot run against himself in a four-way race. Are there other four-way activities I want Pascal to participate in? Of course. But this is irresponsible. Hot, yes. But still irresponsible.

This is a stretch of a category that really should just be “More Sexy Guys From Television.” Alas, the system is imperfect.

Pros: He believes in ghosts!

Cons: He believes in ghosts...

Pros: The Criminal Minds actor is really good at cornhole!

Cons: The Criminal Minds actor is really good at cornhole?

Pros: That lil smirk.

Cons: That lil smirk...

Pros: Some rumors say he was very nice to ex-girlfriend Alexis Bledel!

Cons: Some rumors say he wasn’t very nice to ex-girlfriend Alexis Bledel...

As I mentioned before, we the voters don’t have final say in who is ultimately named Sexiest Man Alive by the all powerful People Magazine. But we can still voice our opinion and support. And this year Jezebel puts our editorial endorsement behind Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio aka Bad Bunny. Second place: Al Roker.