Stassi Schroeder’s JustFab Line Is Miraculously More Than Just a Bunch of Off-the-Shoulder Tops

Stassi Schroeder, Queen Bee of Vanderpump Rules, is known for her particularly basic-yet-stylish fashion choices. (I’m allowed to say that, she named her best-selling book Next Level Basic: The Definitive Basic Bitch Handbook. It’s a compliment, okay?) In line with her unimpeachable brand is her debut collection for Just Fab. I was pretty positive it was just going to be a bunch of off-the-shoulder tops, which she loves and which Jezebel alum Kara Brown wrote a scathing screed about, but it isn’t.

Personally, I find that the particular shape only looks good on a small chunk of the population, a demographic that perfectly aligns with Stassi’s fanbase. Imagine my surprise when I learned her collection is not only more than billowy blouses of questionable structure—there’s some decently cute stuff in there. Like, if I wore colors, I’d totally consider purchasing them. Here are the findings of my investigation:

Come on, that’s adorable! I do wish the muted yellow trend would take a brief siesta and let some other colors have some shine (nothing against mustard) but this light linen jumpsuit looks perfect for, I don’t know, the Hamptons, or wherever Stassi is in this very moment. I’m also confident you could get a cheap alternative at Target, but to each their own.

How fashionable is this fashion?: 9/10

Another romper, and it’s white, which I’d argue is Stassi’s signature color—that or baby blue, which there is a lot of in this collection. It’s like she just designed stuff she already owns. Not that that’s a bad thing. I mean, maybe it is if she’s shopping at small designers instead of Zara, but I doubt she is? Anyway, this is fine.

How fashionable is this fashion?: 7/10

Stassi is a WeHo witch (West Hollywood, for the uninitiated), which means she is constantly in sunshine and requires fashionable protection for those blue eyes. These sunglasses…. are somehow not terrible? I appreciate her ability to totally bypass the tiny frames trend and if I could remove those lens, I’d totally wear them as gaudy prescription glasses.

How fashionable is this fashion?: 8/10

The woman who owns this bag is bold, or she simply isn’t over Taylor Swift’s Reputation era. She could kick your ass, or she’s the kind to get a kick out of reading Fifty Shades of Grey on public transportation. Either way, it’s dope.

How fashionable is this fashion?: 6/10, I like it, but I also have terrible taste.

I hate this with every fiber of my being. The color is fine. Polka dots are endearing, and I will hear no slander about them. But cold shoulders? I knew it was coming, and I’m still disappointed.

How fashionable is this fashion?: 0/10, on principle

As someone who has never been a.) a hot girl b.) a practitioner of musical theater, I’m gonna have to go ahead and say a big “nah” to this one. Feel free to disagree, horse girls of the world.

How fashionable is this fashion?: -1/10

This is the shirt every primary guest wears on Bravo’s Below Deck: Mediterranean, so I must say I appreciate the accidental cross promotion. That’s all I like. These tops… burn them all.

How fashionable is this fashion?: 3/10, in yacht people-terms

It’s kind of weird that they used a model that looks exactly like Stassi, right? Anyway, this is the top she wore at the launch party for the collection (pictured above) and while I do love black satin things, this looks more like a sexy pillow case than something I’d wear to dinner, or the club, or wherever you’re meant to wear this. Anywhere with pinot?

How fashionable is this fashion?: 4/10

In conclusion: all the shoulder-covered items and non-tops are good. Just Fab describes the collection on the whole as “Next Level Basics: Stassi’s signature style of chic and casual staples with that little hint of sass.” Perhaps it’s just too subtle for me to remark on?