Surprise! Diddy and Kate Upton Are Dating

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Karma isn’t real. Proof: Diddy created Danity Kane (never forget) and now he is being rewarded. He and Kate Upton have apparently been dating since late March, when the 20-year-old joined him in the VIP room of a club in Miami so they could smash their mouths together.

Says a creepy onlooker who I always picture as the actor Dylan Baker for some reason: “They were kissing, they weren’t hiding it.” A few days later, the two had a romantic dinner at the Bowery Hotel. Upton recently broke up with Detroit Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander and Diddy was seen house-hunting with Cassie in January. Maybe don’t buy the house, you guys? [Ace Showbiz, NYDN]

My-Size Scientology Ken Tom Cruise spoke out about the end of TomKat.

“I didn’t expect it,” he confesses of the end of his five-year marriage to the star, with whom he shares daughter Suri, 6.
Afterward, he says, he “had an unbelievable amount of time to think about it” as he threw himself into his work. The takeaway from all that thinking? “Life is a challenge.”

I couldn’t agree more. When the daily grind gets me down, I buoy my spirits by having Xenu sing “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” into my butthole. [People]

As the late-night set undergoes its sea change at over NBC, Alec Baldwin has joined talks with the network for a possible talk-show gig. He’d be replacing Carson Daly on the show that’s currently “Last Call” but would undergo a moniker change. “The Rude, Thoughtless Pig Hour” has a ring to it!

This also marks the first rich, straight white male host in the lineup, which is new and interesting. [NYT]

Perhaps inspired by Brad Paisley Sweater’s paen to ignorance-slash-the Greastest Song of Our Time Accidental Racist,” John Mayer and his self-proclaimed “David Duke cock” have changed their ways and migrated over to Rihanna.
A source/Dylan Baker, as always, manages to make it sound immensely unsexy. “She was really shocked when she heard from John. Even though he’s been chasing for years, she thought it was far too soon after his split with Katy [Perry]. […] Rihanna said his texts were very sexy and flirty, with him suggesting they’d have hours of fun together. He was very complimentary about her Twitter photos.” HOURS of fun. [Entertainmentwise]

If you disapprove of new mom’s Amber Rose continued enjoyment of (in the words of Freehold 7th grader David Sedacca circa 2002) “smoking up some dankness,” she has some words for you.

  • Michelle Williams (the Wendy and Lucy one, not the “Bootylicious” one) Mileyed the crap out of her hair. [Express]
  • There might be a Saul Goodman Breaking Bad recap called Better Call Saul! Or Bob Odenkirk could just marry me, that’s OK too. [Houston Chronicle]
  • Julianna Margulies is glad she waited to get married. [People]
  • According to the diaries of the late Robert Kardashian, Kris Jenner cheated on him regularly with a dude named Todd. Does Elizabeth Wakefield know? [Page Six]
  • Christian Bale and Bradley Cooper totally punked Jennifer Lawrence with a fake gravestone. [Showbiz Spy]
  • Charlize Theron and We Saw Your Boobs MacFarlane are not dating even though they went to a sushi place together. [Page Six]
  • Beyoncé went blondyoncé in her new music video. [Daily Mail]
  • Lindsay Lohan is going to the Hamptons for rehab. [TMZ]
  • The MTV show Buckwild has been cancelled in the wake of the death of Shain Gandee. Taps for the prince of tides. [MTV]
  • If you have $6.925 million you can buy the forever-sex-smelling house Katy Perry and Russell Brand lived in. [HuffPo]
  • Drew Barrymore carried around her baby, which looks just like her. Genetics at work. [People]
  • I don’t think I understand anything about Dennis Rodman. [Page Six]
  • Penelope Cruz still has a bun in the oven. You’ve all seen Grease, right? That means she is PREGNANT. [People]
  • Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis will wed in upstate New York next spring. [Page Six]
  • Amanda Bynes walked around New York smoking a J. [Page Six]
  • Justin Bieber wants you to stop partying with his ex Selena Gomez, yo. Sprang break. Sprang break. Spraaaang break. [Radar Online]
  • Nate Berkus and Jeremiah Brent are engaged. [Us Weekly]
  • The winning headline: “Malawi Prez Slams Madonna For ‘Making Poor People Dance For Her.'” What does it win? Gum wrappers, empty beer bottles, my respect. [Page Six]
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