That Gold Ring Belongs to This Carrot Now

That Gold Ring Belongs to This Carrot Now
Illustration: (Angelica Alzona)

Lin Keitch tells BBC that her husband found her long-lost gold ring, nestled on a carrot, while digging up veggies from their garden. She says that their daughter lost the ring, which was her 40th birthday present, 12 years ago and she’s glad to have it back now. News flash: That ring ain’t hers; it’s that dang carrot’s, and I wouldn’t be surprised if a curse befalls her house in the next century or two or three.

Just take a look at the photo of this carrot wearing that ring. (Artist rendering above. Real photo here.) You think the ring was in the ground and the carrot just GREW into it, MAGICALLY? Oh, magic was involved, alright—the kind of magic that happens when two carrots love each other very much and one carrot PROPOSES to another carrot, but then tragedy strikes that carrot (Gah! Young love!) and all that’s left is the other carrot, a gold ring, and a lifetime of heartbreak.

Poor carrot. Robbed of future happiness and now, ROBBED OF HER RIGHTFUL RING! Give that ring back to that carrot; it’s the only thing she has. For shame.

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