The Anxiety and Excitement of 'Friend Dating'


Alice Gregory was not such a fan of Friendfluence: The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We Are, which she reviewed for The New Republic. So read her musings on “friend dating” instead:

Last month, I went on a very successful “friend date.” We had a few acquaintances in common and had talked briefly at parties. I had a hunch about her, that there was a future for us, and so I asked her out. We met at a mutually convenient bar, summarized our pasts in that frantic, practiced way that people do-skipping the boring parts, dramatizing events that end with punch lines. We were recklessly candid and very smiley. I walked home, ecstatic, and told my boyfriend all about it.
It felt like flirting, but was it? I know many people in happily monogamous relationships who pursue same-sex friendships as a way of redirecting forbidden, amorous impulses. Friend-wooing, one of life’s great pleasures, is also one of its least talked about. Are the forces of attraction similar to those that propel romance? How important are first impressions or endorsements from other friends? Are the answers to these questions obvious-just yes; very; very?

…and feel free to send her article to that person you’ve been platonically crushing on. This is your opener!


Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Share Tweet Submit Pin