A woman was recently arrested for having sex in a park — she was charged with “public lewdness,” but really, haven’t we all been there?
Okay, I haven’t been there exactly (for instance, I’ve never been handcuffs). But when my parents introduced their infamous no-shutting-the-door policy, my high school boyfriend and I did take to the park for some of our (relatively innocent) makeout sessions. We were there around midnight one night when I witnessed (I think) my one and only drug deal — a car pulled up to the curb, waited, and was then joined by another car. Driver 2 got out and sat in the front seat with Driver 1, where they turned on the dome light and examined some things in the front seat while my boyfriend and I stayed perfectly still and looked on in awe. Then Driver 2 got out and both drove away, leaving us to continue our adolescent fumblings in (relative) peace. I really wanted to tell my parents that the policies they thought were protecting me were in fact plunging me into a seamy underworld of drug dealers and, in all likelihood, murderers and thieves, but I would have had to reveal that I’d been to the park at midnight and then I would have been grounded.
Luckily the park isn’t the only recourse of the teenaged, the roommated (the college one-room double is hell on many a sex life), or the adulterous. A few more spots to consider for your next illicit assignation:
Bowling alleys
Upside: If you’re fourteen, everyone you want to make out with is there anyway.
Downside: Mood killed by constant dinging noises, fooseball, and a pervasive smell of feet and floor polish. Also, I once got yelled at for making out in the bowling alley. So maybe this one isn’t such a great idea.
Parking lots
Upside: “Parking” became a euphemism for hooking up for a reason — a car is both love-nest and getaway vehicle.
Downside: As long as you use protection, the only real risk of this strategy is a cop shining his flashlight in your window like in teen movies. Hooking up in a moving car is obviously more dangerous — and as Coen bros. fans know, road head just results in flying saucers.