The Biebers Are Planning a Wedding

By Rebecca Fishbein  |  January 16, 2019 | 1:05am
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Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin are already married, a fact I had to triple-check because there was so much speculation leading up to the blessed day I couldn’t remember if it actually happened. But though they can legally fuck without God getting mad, they have not yet foisted several rounds of hors d’oeuvres and treacly toasts upon their friends and family, so they are planning a wedding.

According to Page Six, the Biebers sent out a “Save the Date” informing guests the happy day is February 28, though for now, the location is TOP SECRET. Justin’s “personal DJ” (?) (what) (?) Tay James is set to perform. There are also “dancers” in “rehearsal” as we speak, so I can only assume this will be a very stylish and well-coordinated affair. May Oscar Bieber have his pick of ring-bearer collars.

I am happy for the Biebers and the many (maybe six? Does that sound reasonable?) years of marital bliss that lie ahead. That said, I can only assume these wedding plans will inspire even more of my friends to have courthouse ceremonies followed by big parties several months later, which seems like a super chill and low-key way to get married, but ultimately requires me to attend two weddings. I will still get you a gift, but know that I am annoyed.

[Page Six]

Rihanna is suing her dad, Ronald Fenty, for using the name “Fenty” in connection with his talent development company. According to Us Weekly, Rihanna argues Fenty’s company, “Fenty Entertainment,” infringes upon her Fenty brand. Rihanna has reportedly sent her father “multiple cease-and-desist letters” to force him to change the name.

Of course, it complicates matters slightly that Fenty the brand is named after Rihanna the person, who has the same surname as her father. Ronald Fenty said as much to OK!, reportedly telling the magazine, “She is? Suing me? Why would she sue me? It’s my name!”

I mean, he does have a point, though he was also allegedly trying to convince investors Rihanna was involved in his businesses, so maybe he has less of a point. OTOH I am not sure I would confuse this drab palate for a Rihanna-backed venture:

[Us Weekly]