Attention spineless wimps: You can now pay someone else to unfriend people on Facebook, dump your significant other, or even initiate a divorce. This charming dude, from iDump4u.com, will do it all. And put it online. Let’s try it out.
For $10, Bradley Laborman will call up your former lover and deliver the bad news. If you are heartless enough to quit an engagement through a third party, that will set you back $25. Divorces cost $50, and unfriending appears to be free (although it does require you send annoying messages to 20 friends asking them to become a fan of the service). This may seem like a rather cheap way to get out of a long, possibly tearful conversation (a breakup call could last anywhere from 20 seconds to several hours, which might make his service, from a time-is-money standpoint, almost “worth” it), but after listening to quite a few of the calls, I’m 100% convinced Bradley should be paying for the privilege to make these calls, because like a Big Mac, he is lovin’ it.
His method is quite sadistic. He calls the dumpee, announces that he is “Bradley, from iDump4U.com,” and mocks the poor listener if they don’t immediately understand what is going on. And most of them don’t. In the registration forms, Bradley openly admits that he is an asshole (“remember, we dump people for a living,” he writes, as if you needed a reminder), but it also comes across quite clearly in most of the phone calls. His brand of sarcasm is very heavy-handed, often to the point where you have to wonder why he is mocking the recently dumped simply for mishearing the name of his website. He even has a special category for the criers and the “psychos,” so you can pick-and-choose what type of breakup you would like to enjoy. While some of the breakup recordings are funny – especially when Maggie tries to insist that she shouldn’t be referred to as “stupid” because she manages to make a living sleeping with rich men – others are just plain sad. Particularly Randy, who seems genuinely heartbroken that the callous-sounding Lisa has moved on.
Despite the aural evidence, we found ourselves a little suspicious of Bradley’s site. There seems a distinct possibility that iDump4U is a poorly-named hoax, so I signed up to dump myself. I filled out the registration form, complete with the reasons for the breakup.
Bradley warns that he will find out if you’re trying to initiate a fake breakup (and he will mock you online, so I’ve steeled myself for that). He also requires you friend him on Facebook, just to determine whether the relationship is real. And FYI Bradley, this is real. I need to break up with myself for a pretty good reason: neglect. I also mentioned my Wendy’s addiction and pajama problem (if we’re going for “dress for the job you want,” it is pretty clear that I aspire to be a Snuggie model).
So far, Bradley hasn’t called me. It’s been hours, and I have yet to hear from him. If you’re reading this, Brad, please call. I have a sneaking suspicion it may be over between us.
Man Will Dump Your Girlfriend For You [Gothamist]