The Mean Girls Broadway Musical Is Definitely, For Sure Going to Happen

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So yeah, what is going on with that much-ballyhooed Mean Girls Broadway musical? Officially, nothing. Unofficially, everything. It may as well go into production tomorrow.

The entire third season of Smash should be all about the Mean Girls musical, acting simultaneously as a marketing platform for the actual live show and as a comeback vehicle for Lindsay Lohan. I mean, the musical hasn’t been written yet or anything, but according to Tina Fey‘s song-scribbling husband Jeff Richmond, the couple is taking meetings with various theater people:

We’re taking meetings with people; I’ve profiled Broadway folks, who are talking to us about it. It’s a long process – a year, two years, however long it might take. We watch Smash, so we know how it works!

You hear that? (Well, not hear, unless you read out loud like a borderline illiterate.) Tina Fey and Jeff Richmond are proof that you can learn anything from watching TV, so you better just go ahead and burn all of your books because they are utterly useless. [Vulture]

Try this evil eye patch on and see if it fits (it will because eye patches are generally elastic): in a new interview with Esquire UK, Rachel Weisz says she’d be totally down to play a Bond villain opposite husband Daniel Craig. Mind you, nobody in Hollywood is awesome enough to really make this happen — the Esquire interviewer simply suggested it as a possibility and Weisz said, “I’d like to! I wouldn’t say no. I’m not a snob about entertainment.” In other words, Bond movies are for stupids, and Rachel Weisz is not above pandering to stupids. [NYDN]

Now that Jay Leno will be forced out of NBC’s walled fortress so he can walk the irradiated wasteland like all over-the-hill night show hosts, nubile comedian Jimmy Fallon will almost certainly replace him on Tonight. But who will replace Jimmy Fallon on The Late Show? Rumor has it that Howard Stern and his wrinkled scrotum could be angling for the job. The scrotum would most likely play trumpet in the house band, and the genius of this move is that if Stern ever calls in sick, NBC can just put a wig of curly black hairs on the scrotum and literally no one will know the difference. [Page Six]

A creepy creeping creep from New Hampshire, where you can either live free or go fuck yourself, has been ordered to stop posting things online about the remarkably likable Alyson Hannigan. A Los Angeles Superior Court judge issued a three-year restraining order against John Hobbs after Hannigan stated in court filings last month that Hobbs had posted a series of threatening messages about her and her family. [AP]

  • Real estate mogul Taylor Swift flipped the Hyannis Port manse she purchased to be close to the Kennedy compound, making a cool $1 million in profit. [Us]
  • Meanwhile, in the jocular land of japes, jibes, and jests, Tina Fey doesn’t understand why Taylor Swift condemned her to an eternity of hellfire. “If anyone was going to get mad at us, I thought it would be James Cameron,” Fey told Entertainment Tonight. “I did not see that one coming. It was a joke. It was a lighthearted joke.” Who said James Cameron hasn’t been seething in his submersible since the Golden Globes? [ET]
  • Jake Gyllenhaal is probably, like 99.99999 percent-for-sure dating Emily DiDonato, who was featured in Sports Illustrated‘s 2013 swimsuit issue. The new couple apparently met at a SoulCycle class in New York City, gee golly whiz, and have been furiously making the sex with their cycle-sculpted quadriceps ever since. [Us]
  • For a mere $140, mere mortals like you can have a case of the ambrosia Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie drink. [Today]
  • Remember when Chelsea Handler hated Angelina Jolie? So does Angelina Jolie. Enjoy your poison case of ambrosia, Chelsea! [Us]
  • Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth are still getting married, so everyone chill. [People]
  • Shia LaBeouf has responded to Alec Baldwin‘s latest passive-aggressive jab by tweeting more snippets from that infamous email chain between the two actors and Orphans director Tom Sullivan. Bottom line: Shia LaBeouf and Alec Baldwin dislike each other. A lot. Don’t expect them to exchange conciliatory edible fruit arrangements any time soon. [E!]
  • Paris Hilton threw herself a very merry unbirthday party last Saturday. [Daily Star]
  • Lamar Odom fell asleep in court during a custody hearing. Lamar Odom cares not for your boring judicial system! [Daily Mail]
  • What sort of roles do you get if you almost win an Oscar? Just ask Jessica Chastain, who might very well end up playing the Jane to Alexander Skarsgard‘s Tarzan. [Page Six]
  • Rihanna got a new pair of thigh-high boots yesterday, so naturally she put them on and snapped a tasteful black and white underpants-pic. [TMZ]
  • Sam Mendes won’t direct the next Bond movie. Now, that’s not to say that Mendes might not direct a movie starring Kevin Spacey about a Bond-like former spy who talks to strangers in bars about all the people he used to assassinate and then, finding his life empty of meaning, gets a menial job, like at a fast food place or whatever. It could happen. [Empire]
  • Norman Reedus, who plays the worryingly likable Daryl on The Walking Dead, is giddy about the prospect of Daryl hooking up with Carol, played by fellow zombie thespian Melissa McBride. Fingers crossed that neither of them is unceremoniously killed off before that tender, chap-lipped first kiss. [EW]
  • No, LeAnn Rimes is not pregnant. Jeez, you guys are so fucking nosy it’s unbelievable. Everybody get your noses out of LeAnn Rimes’ empty uterus! [E!]
  • Russell Crowe took a picture of what looks like a red Arkanoid block hovering over Sydney and insisted to his Twitter followers that he had captured footage of a true blue UFO. In unrelated news, Russell Crowe’s grip on reality is sweaty and trembling. [E!]
  • Pete Townshend from The Who formally apologized to a little girl and her father for fucking swearing at them during a performance of Quadrophenia. [Toronto Sun]
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