They Invented Another Boob Prison and This Time It's a Polo Shirt

Already, I can hear the panicked whispers of skinny-jean-wearing millenials, desperately clutching at their midriffs and decrying the return of the sorts of clothes celebrities wore at the VMAs in 2003.

Really, everyone, I’m sure this will be fine.

Influencers wear all sorts of clothes constantly. Luckily, the average person is not required to leave the house in Hot Cheetos branded pants and a polo-shirt boob prison—or stomp around in chunky platform sneakers—just to secure an Olay body wash sponsorship or whatever. Still, this shirt is patently ridiculous. Polo shirts are impossible to divorce from their longstanding reputation as the uniform of drunken frat boys and Republican golfers. Worse, imagine going to Trader Joe’s and the pasta sauce is on the tallest shelf and while reaching to grab it an entire boob falls out—from below. Perhaps the fact that it’s sheer, and therefore requires an actual bra, mitigates this risk somewhat.

Nothing, however, can mitigate the underboob sweat. Good luck to its next crop of victims this summer!