This One Time, I Licked My Friend's Eyeball
LatestOculolinctus, an eye-licking fetish that is also called “worming” (gah), is all the rage among Japanese schoolkids. I get it, because I once licked my friend’s eyeball when I was 12. This is my story.
Historians (well, The Guardian) think the current eye-licking fad stems from a popular music video by Japanese emo band Born, but the craze is really taking off thanks to social media: Tumblr and YouTube are filled with drawings, cringey photographs (see above) (sorry) and videos of the practice. However! A quick glance through YouTube’s eye-licking offerings shows that oculolinctus is nothing new. I would know. I licked my first (and last) eyeball in the year 2000.
My two best friends and I were taking TheSpark.com’s “Purity Test.” (Remember that? You can still find it on OKCupid!) The situation was growing more dire by the moment, as I had never used cocaine, had sex in a moving car, or experimented with bestiality. I had never even shoplifted or French kissed, which made me the innocent of the group. I didn’t want to be labeled the “pure” one, so when I saw my chance to defile my reputation on the last page, I went for it: