No matter what your feelings were about Scott Baio before last week, the revelation that he and his wife are nasty right-leaning name callers who look down on “lesbian shitasses” was a bit of a heartbreak for 80s nostalgia.
As much as the Baios’ outbursts were about the individuals themselves, for many observers the incident also prompted a sort of ruination of those vehicles on which Baio rose to stardom. Knowing what we do now about Baio, could we ever again watch — or even think about — Charles in Charge in the same way? It’d be difficult. But it’s not as if Baio is the first entertainer whose off-screen identity, with the progress of time, comes to destroy our memories of past on-screen glories. It’s a destruction that, in some ways, is more painful than an aging child star’s drug-fueled descent down the hole of fuck-uppery; this is nostalgia’s death by ideology. Because nothing hurts quite like finding your youthful celebrity crush grew up to be unpleasant. And it’s happened, time and time again, to old-school crushes of every ilk. Herewith, a sampling of some of the men (and women) who retroactively broke young liberal hearts.
Kirk Cameron
I can still sing every word of the Growing Pains theme song, and that has everything to do with Mike Seaver. He was so cute! So cool! So hijink-y! But then, years later, I saw Kirk Cameron starring in that really crazy Left Behind movie, and I realized that he was into a totally different sort of rapture than what I’d been thinking of. Though, to be fair, I’d been questioning my feelings ever since the episode where Mike wrote the answers to his exam on the bottom of his shoe — I have issues with cheaters.
Ricky Schroeder
He was an adorable, weepy little thing in The Champ. He was a perfect teen idol on Silver Spoons. Now he’s a Republican. Which, okay, fine, but he supported George W. Bush in 2000 (he spoke at the RNC) and 2004, plus McCain in 2008. And he’s a convert to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just not my thing. And these sort of childhood crushes are predicated on the fact that you have everything in common with your dream boy, right down to your matching Lisa Frank Trapper Keepers.
Mel Gibson
Where to begin with this? Hot in Gallipoli, iconic in Mad Max and Lethal Weapon, a little scary behind the camera in The Passion, and a batshit anti-Semite when pulled over for drunk driving. After that, sobbing during Braveheart was never quite the same.
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