The first episode of E!’s reality series WAGS (which stands for Wives and Girlfriends of Sports Stars), begins with an explainer about what it means to be the wife of an athlete. In case you’re unfamiliar with these duties, it’s laid out as such: Being your man’s No. 1 fan, maintaining an opulent lifestyle and being perfectly manicured at all times. It means not “just” being a girlfriend. It means not “just” being a fiancée. It means security and, in some cases, clinging to oppressive marriage standards and life as a trophy wife.
If that sounds superficial, then ding-ding. It helps if, as an athlete’s wife, you genuinely buy into the so-called WAGS hierarchy and its divisive pecking order, which the show’s cast members helpfully break down in the series premiere. In order of importance: Queen WAG, wife, fiancé, girlfriend, ho. Not all of the women exactly love this term, but most are still self-described WAGS. That they willingly embrace such a possessive acronym is fascinating in itself.
“WAGS” is said to have originated with British gossip rags that used it as an epithet for the wives of England’s star soccer players. On E!’s reality version, the wives, in theory, want to maintain their social status, while the girlfriends are eternally vying for a spot as the betrothed arm candy. “Everyone’s aspiring to be a wife. I’m a wife,” says Sasha Gates, proudly. Her husband is San Diego Chargers tight end Antonio Gates. Nicole Williams, fiancée of Buccaneers player Larry English, likewise relished being called the “hottest WAG in the NFL” in an article online.
“That’s why I’m a wife. I’m a reflection of my man, and how I act is gonna disrespect him.”
The side effect of this unofficial caste system that’s based on marital status is that it pits the wives against the seemingly less privileged girlfriends. It establishes a world where the pressure of marriage is thick, and where the women are inevitably defined by and linked to their man. Always, there’s an undertone of the men being serial cheaters who want to protect their millions and avoid being tied down. There’s also an undertone of the wives feeling threatened by women who can easily strip them of love and security. One possible result of this constant paranoia is a system of protection through competition—the WAGS hierarchy.
The idea (and ultimately, the pressure) of career independence comes up often on WAGS. The women claim they’re not just content “belonging” to someone famous. Barbie Blank found success as a “WWE diva” under the alter ego Kelly Kelly and refers to herself and her hockey star fiancé Sheldon Souray as a “power couple.” Ashley North is a celebrity stylist who’s worked with Justin Bieber and Kevin Hart. Nicole has been modeling since age 12 and prides herself on being financially independent. As expected, these accomplishments are mentioned, and then all but glossed over in favor of fights concerning which WAG has bragging rights.
Four episodes in, there’s been heavy emphasis on securing engagements, reconfirming social status and curbing cheating—all the cliché side effects of dating an athlete. Ashley, for one, wants her NFL star fiancé Dashon Goldson to stop dragging his feet on setting a wedding date because, she says, “There’s some competition with other wives. They look down upon the girlfriends, so I want to set a date.” That’s not the only reason, but it’s a doozy. Meanwhile, Nicole suspects Larry of being unfaithful and uses a doggie cam in the bedroom (which he presumably knows about) to spy on him.
Rings and tattoos are thought of as the ultimate sign of commitment to the point that Nicole is ecstatic when Larry gets her name tatted on his forearm because the location is visible enough to thwart potential groupies. During one episode, Nicole hosts a tattoo party, and the women discuss whether or not they’d get their man’s name tattooed on them. Their answers tend to center on the seriousness of their relationship—are they engaged? Married? “I personally think once you decide to join bank accounts, that’s when you deserve a tattoo,” Autumn (wife of NFL player Seyi Ajirotutu) says.
What’s weird is how easily the women sling around the term WAGS and even revel in it, often using it as a basis for exclusion. In episode one, when Nicole tells the others that she invited non-wives—Natalie Halcro (girlfriend of NFL linebacker Shaun Phillips) and her cousin Olivia Pierson (who’s single)—to the group outing, Ashely looks confused and says, “I mean, if we’re going by the WAGS spectrum, they’re sort of on the lower end of the totem pole. I mean Olivia isn’t even technically on the totem pole.”
For the women who swear by it, the existence of the WAGS benchmark—and the status it brings—seems to offer some sort of relief from the not-so-great parts about dating an athlete. Is it just about gaining a one-up or is it more about security? Is it compensation for the feeling that your man may not truly be yours? I reached out to sports psychologist Caroline Silby for some insight. She wrote in an email: