Wistful Pumpkin Mike Pence Yearns for a More 'Respectful Time'

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• Bonerless ghoul Mike Pence says that Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh would have already been confirmed if we “lived in a more respectful time,” to which I say *double-palm fart sound*. [The Hill]
• Donald Trump is NOT invited. [The Los Angeles Times]
• Federal judges have ruled that North Carolina’s extremely gerrymandered congressional map is extremely unconstitutional. Hope they tackle literally every other state next. [NBC News]
• Gaming behemoth Electronic Arts, a.k.a., EA, has canceled three upcoming tournaments following this past weekend’s fatal shooting in Florida. [Reuters]
• Callista Gingrich is having fun(?).

Here are all the tweets the President was allowed to publish today:

This has been Barf Bag.