Witness the Decline of LaCroix, a Terrible Beverage That No One Liked

Witness the Decline of LaCroix, a Terrible Beverage That No One Liked
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LaCroix, the very, very, very lightly flavored fizzy beverage that once threatened to divide the nation, has fallen on hard times. Its sales are in “free fall,” according to a note from a Guggenheim beverage analyst, CNN reports on Thursday. I would say this is sad news to someone, but apparently no one is buying this shit anymore, so maybe not.

The decline in sales is likely due to competition from other brands (hell yeah, I see you, Topo Chico) and a “lack of meaningful or disruptive innovation” on LaCroix’s part, according to Laurent Gradent, the analyst. But I would venture that this is just the logical end to LaCroix’s game, which was swindling people, particularly me. The “naturally essenced” (rather than sweetened) canned drink was never really especially innovative in the realm of flavored seltzers. The first time I bought a single LaCroix at my hometown Target and took a sip in the parking lot, I thought I’d purchased a faulty can and wondered if it had somehow gone flat in the time it took me to walk to my car.

I understand some people claim to have looooved LaCroix, but I can’t help but wonder if its proponents doubled down on these claims simply to dissuade naysayers like me, who argued that it was not good. Even still, I never felt super strongly about LaCroix one way or another, because the Guggenheim note is right: There are hella other brands out there to quench one’s thirst for a sparkling beverage. San Pellegrino is great if you crave the taste of blood orange or need mixers to make palomas (the best drink) this summer, and Topo Chico is excellent if you want bubbles so strong they’ll bring a tear to thine eye. To those mourning the death of LaCroix, worry not—I’ll catch you by the Perrier section of CVS this summer.

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