George Zimmerman Saves Strangers From Overturned Truck, Disappears


OK, I use italics a lot, but I really mean them this time: this is weird. Police in Sanford, Florida say George Zimmerman — who killed BUT DIDN’T MURDER Trayvon Martin — has emerged from hiding to save a stranger family of four strangers from an overturned truck and then disappear again into the night like the goddamn Batman. It’s just like that scene in Crash when Matt Dillon saves Thandie Newton from a fiery car wreck, only in Florida instead of LA and probably more deserving of an Oscar.

According to ABC, the bizarre twist in the awful Zimmerman saga happened this weekend at the corner of I-4 and Route 417, less than a mile from where unarmed Trayvon Martin was killed — BUT NOT MURDERED. According to Sanford police (who apparently don’t care that everyone now knows where George Zimmerman is), Zimmerman was just, I don’t know, moseying along the highway like normal people tend to do (perhaps he was double super secret neighborhood watch volunteering? IDK.) when he just happened to stumble across an overturned truck, and he pulled the person in the truck to safety like the hero he always imagined he was.

My esteemed colleague Madeleine Davies theorized from the seat next to me that Zimmerman camped out under an army blanket just waiting for a car accident at a busy intersection so he could begin to repair his damaged reputation.

Whatever the circumstances around Zimmerman’s truck rescue, it’s a good thing that the person in the cabin wasn’t armed and didn’t feel threatened by Zimmerman’s entry into their vehicle, or, you know, Zimmerman could have gotten himself shot.


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