Zooey Deschanel Hates Judgmental Shithead Internet Commenters

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Zooey Deschanel, who I often forget is pretty cool, spoke truthy words about how horrible the Internet can be in this month’s Marie Claire. (After all, noted Zooey Deschanel 1.0 Mary Louise Parker quit over it.)

“It’s just attacking who I am. A lot of times it doesn’t have to do with what I get paid to do. It has to do with, ‘Oh, you stupid person.’ Even I get slammed and overwhelmed by how negative the Internet can get, and I’m an adult. They say, ‘You don’t belong, you don’t deserve this because here’s why, and let me find an intellectual argument for why you wearing pink or cuff sleeves or a bow makes you not worthy of your accomplishments. Everything you’ve done doesn’t matter because you wore the wrong thing or you speak in a way that’s feminine or you identify yourself as feminine.
And I just think that’s bullshit. And smart people are doing it, and that’s surprising to me. I’ll give them being smart, but they’re being very shortsighted. I don’t pay any mind to it, but it’s pretty shocking how when you give people anonymity – it’s like the worst of human nature.”

I mean, I do have problems with The New Girl, but take some advice, Zooey: The first rule of Fight Club is don’t read the comments. The second rule of Fight Club is don’t read the comments. Otherwise you will slowly ferment in rage and sadness and transform entirely into your evil doppelganger, No-Bangs Zooey Deschanel. [Marie Claire]

Chris Brown snuck into the Van Nuys jail a day before he was supposed to turn himself in for his hit-and-run case. His lawyer snuck him in to avoid paparazzi. They kept him there for 45 minutes, booked and released him. His next court date is August 15th. If he’s sent to prison, maybe he will be cellmates with Miss Claudette and she’ll teach him some fucking manners. [Gossip Cop]

In related shitbaggery, Terrence Howard has been accused of beating his ex-wife Michelle Ghent on a vacation to Costa Rica with some of his family. He claims that his attack was in retaliation to her Macing him. It’s not the first time Ghent has accused Howard of domestic violence; here’s a pretty comprehensive list if you want to get scared/angry. She claims the abuse started the week after their marriage. Ugh. [NYDN]

This installment of The Bachelorette, the hard sci-fi series by George R.R. Martin, has come to an end. Desiree Hartsock chose Chris Siegfried and they got engaged. The new Bachelor is Venezuelan soccer player Juan Pablo Galvis.“Rains of Castamere,” go. [People, People]

Here is a VMA promo featuring Miley Cyrus and a SUBWAYYYYYY PARTAY. I think I have slept with that dude who looks surprised in the beginning. PARRRRTAAYAYAYAYYYAY. [Ocean Up]

Miley Cyrus isn’t just some ratchet white girl, she insists ratchetly. [Us Weekly]

  • This picture of Charlie Sheen with three topless women is HURKkkk. [TMZ]
  • The main dude from the Black Keys is afraid that his suicidal ex is endangering his kid. [TMZ]
  • Doetzen Kroes has buttcheeks. [TMZ]
  • Jack White has responded to Karen Elson’s restraining order by pointing out that she called him an amazing father in a May 19th email. [E!]
  • Nina Dobrev is “not a one night stand kind of girl,” but “a relationship girl.” [People]
  • Charlize Theron had a birthday in Rome and I wasn’t there for some reason. 😐 [People]
  • Kerry Washington’s wedding ring is pretty and tasteful. [NYDN]
  • Oprah put on a big-ass wig on her own magazine cover. [NYDN]
  • Rihanna is that shooting star John Travolta saw in Phenomenon that gave him a tumor full of magic powers. [Page Six]
  • Adam Duritz is still alive and probably still looks like a radish. [Page Six]
  • Here are never-before seen pictures of Marilyn Monroe. [HuffPo]
  • The Hamptons Bieber Brawl was caught on tape and will be released as the latest We Sing in Sillyville children’s video. [NYDN]
  • Amanda Bynes’ mom wants to have the courtroom closed to the public next time so she doesn’t become a spectacle. Good thing she caught this before Amanda became a spectacle. [Radar Online]
  • Skyfall’s Ben Whitshaw is gay and gay-married. [NYDN]
  • People flamed Pink with homophobic tweets after she danced with a gay pride flag; she is taking it as a compliment, she says. [Gossip Cop]
  • Kanye West will perform at the VMAs for the seventh time. [Gossip Cop]
  • Ashlee Simpson partied with her boyfriend’s family (aka Diana Fucking Ross), which to me conjures up an image of his mom telling you too much about her sex life and then singing along with the wrong words to “Blurred Lines.” [People]
  • Oh, no — Sugar Bear from Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo is undergoing testing at the Mayo Clinic for an unidentified brain disorder. [Radar Online]
  • Johnny Depp is indignant that Lone Ranger failed. [E!]
  • K-Stew and R-Patz potentially hung out at her house/rekindled the ice fire. [X17]
  • Hillary Clinton’s trying to eat healthier. [Page Six]
  • Joe Jonas shirtless with puppy and scary face. [Ocean Up]
  • Farrah Abraham posed for a corpse fetish magazine. [Radar Online]
  • To Catch a Predator’s Chris Hansen got fired after news of his affair leaked on the Zooey Deschanel’s friend The Internet. [Radar Online]
  • This is the new host of To Catch a Predator.

Image via Splash

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