In this week’s compilation of pop culture crap, Donald Trump and Victoria Jackson let their wing-nut freak flags fly, Pauly D is hired to promote a product he admittedly hates, and Dionne Warwick does her best to make “hussy” happen.”
1.) Grumpy Old Woman
Dionne Warwick is the sleeper hit (for some of us, anyway) of Celebrity Apprentice. She wears sweatsuits with fur coats, arbitrarily disapproves of decisions that are made, and exploits her status as a living legend to intimate her competitors into backing down from fighting with her. In this week’s episode, she showed her age through her vocab when she called Nikki Taylor a “hussy” for no particular reason. It reminded me of when Mrs. Sturak called Zach’s girlfriend a “trollop” in Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead.
2.) Donald Trump is a proud “birther”
Notice how everyone else is either incensed or not taking him seriously because his claims of President Obama secretly being born in another country are so ridiculous except for Elisabeth, who encouraged him the entire time, including when Barbara was trying to change the subject. Notice how at the end when they cut to commercial, Babs leans forward and chastises Elisabeth, saying, “No more questions about the president.”
3.) What ever happened to Baby Victoria?
I always thought that the squeaky-voiced ditsy persona thing was all part of her comedy. Now that she’s waving around the bible, squealing about how homosexuality is “sickening” and making “icky” faces when Showbiz Tonight aired a clip from Glee showing two teenage boys kissing, I’m wondering what the hell happened to her. Remember when she was funny for the right reasons and not because she was rambling like a crazy person on television with an ill-advised bow in her hair?
4.) Nobody wants the spinster puppet.
About 20 puppets were robbed from a couple in Connecticut who’ve used the puppets for several decades at charity events and to entertain sick children in the hospital. What’s even sadder is that the thieves only left one puppet behind—the old maid.
5.) Pauly D hates Miracle Whip.
So why did the company hire him for a Miracle Whip commercial? Are the Jersey Shore kids just that much in demand? Or is it because the ad whizes for Miracle Whip have finally figured out that the appeal of that cast lies in their infamous bad taste and are thus using that as a sort of affirmation—like, if Pauly D doesn’t it like it then it must be good.
6.) Larry King’s set.
Larry was all over CNN and HLN this week to speak about Elizabeth Taylor and whenever they showed him, it looked like he was back on a version of his old set. Does he have a set up in his house like that, for occasions such as obit commentaries?
7.) “It’s just me, y’all!”
Bobby Brown finally completed his album after “working on it” for 13 years. He went on The Wendy Williams Show to promote it this week, where he discussed being in recovery while admitting in the same sentence that he still drinks vodka and actually invoked the whole “one day at a time” mantra. Meanwhile, he looked stoned to the bone.
8.) Futuristic weight-loss pod is so Ab Fab.
Seriously, with the space suit and the light-up glasses and the promise that you can lose weight without having to move…Eddy Monsoon totally would’ve owned this (and gotten high in it).
9.) Jim Jones’ mother.
Granted, she’s no Frankie Lons, but her logic about spending money on cigarettes instead of her son’s birthday party is close enough.
10.) Man takes out loan on car to pay for World of Warcraft fees.
