2022 Oscars Red Carpet: Rich People Wear Things

On Sunday night, Kristen Stewart, Kourtney Kardashian, Megan Thee Stallion, and more showed up in their best (and worst) on the red carpet.

By Emily Leibert | March 27, 2022 | 9:30pm

Beauty Style

Yet again, cinephiles and moviegoers alike have gathered to celebrate the Oscars—the one night a year where a group of mostly white people will decide which of the year’s films were the best likely based on which film’s publicity team gave them the coolest themed swag bags. For fashion-obsessed bitches like me who know oh-so-much about the merits of good looks, it’s the night we scream at our TV’s in support of actors who dressed for the gods and skewer those who incorrectly trusted stylists with no taste.

Is this a year where we get our next Julia Roberts in Valentino moment? Or, perhaps, the next Halle Berry in Elie Saab? How many men will do the absolute least and wear a boring tuxedo? I don’t know! What I can tell and show you are the looks so divine that I wept into my charcuterie board and the others that caused a visceral physical response not unlike gagging.

Without further ado, I present to you the stars whose stylists are getting raises, some whose stylists are getting shit-canned, and blue and yellow ribbons which are symbolic of Ukraine so we can figure out who the real activists are. Let’s fucking go.

Zoë Kravitz

What did I say about bows? I am underwhelmed. This feels too babydoll for someone who is a fashion icon.

Lupita Nyong’o

SHE IS OSCAR. THERE IS NOTHING MORE VALUABLE THAN LUPITA IN THIS DRESS!!!

Billie Eilish

Spare me the trashbag jokes, she looks insanely good. Like a depressed doily.

Kristen Stewart

I know she’s trying to be edgy with shorts (SHORTS ON THE RED CARPET, NO), but I already miss KStew’s glamorous era, which lasted just one awards show I guess.

Timothée Chalamet

He looks like he’s about thirty seconds from ghosting me. We love a man in lace and sparkles.

Maggie Gyllenhaal

Feeling very hung up on this one.

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith

Will could not bore us more. Jada is channeling Clue’s Miss Peacock, but make it modern.

Lily James

It’s unclear as to what’s most upsetting: the bubblegum princess look or the fact that her hair is giving more limp than va-va-voom.

Tracee Ellis Ross

Look, we’re all for gowns that don’t require a bra, but the only thing killing it here is the color.

Rickey Thompson

The pants are a yes, the top looks like a Michael’s craft store project.

Ari Wegner

An entirely fitting suit for the woman who could make history as the first female cinematographer to win an Academy Award.

Vanessa Hudgens

Yawn.

Jamie Lee Curtis

We have to stan a horror queen who also opposes war.

Yoon Yeo-jeong

More Ukrainian support from a class act. Somber, with a splash of sparkle.

Wesley Snipes

Monochromatic looks are obviously very trendy at the moment, but this perfect little plum is making me blush. The shorts over pants may be giving tasteless bro playing basketball in a snowstorm, but we really do love it.

Love Larson and Eva Von Bahr

Noooooo. The cherubs, crosses, sculpture tote. WHAT is happening here? Trying to be a work of art is certainly the point of a red carpet, but NOT LIKE THIS. Return to your chapel, ma’am.

Niecy Nash

I think I want the slit to be higher because hot damn, this fuchsia killed it. Need a whole bouquet of her.

Jason Momoa

MY BABY IS IN ALL BLACK, DEAR GOD. You can’t see it in this photo, but he’s also rocking the most adorable little braid that I want to grab onto so badly. He looks sharp as fuck and he’s a supporter of Ukrainian refugees. Truly what can’t this man do?

Jessica Chastain

Okay, we’re torn on this one. I think she looks like a disco mermaid prom queen, but she’s also a little washed out on top. Overall, claps for anything that resembles a Sugar Plum fairy.

Becky G

The sequins are so beautiful and we love a structured gown, but she does look like she’s carrying shell phones around on her hips.

Wanda Sykes

A pantsuit on thered carpet is generally a surefire way to get applause from me. Add an angelic all-white getup and it’s giving chic lawyer from the heavens.

Carolina Gaitán

She up-cycled your gift wrap from the holidays. Saving the planet, while looking hot: a memoir.

Rami Malek

Another man in a suit.

Haim

To bra or not to bra: that is the question. They’re looking like sisters and also like white girls on a red carpet. Next!

Kodi Smit-McPhee

God, this smacks of Gen Z in the best way. Also: are those Doc Martens and where can I get them?

Bradley Cooper and Gloria Campano

The oversized bowtie is working for me not at all. Cute that he brought his mom, but I’m picking up toddler vibes here between the jubilant, rosy cheeks, the hair, and the mom.

Jane Campion

This look is as bleak as her comments about the Williams sisters.

Regina Hall

A Greek goddess risen from the mud.

Kirsten Dunst

The belle of the ball.

Marlee Matlin

Marlee seems to have emerged from the red carpet itself.

Ariana DeBose

Pants. Cape. Tasteful décolleté. Obsessed.

Amy Schumer

STOP TRYING TO MAKE BOWS WORK. All I can see here is tits in a bow.

David Oyelowo

My eyes really hurt, but thank you someone for not being just another man in a suit!!!

Jacob Elordi

And we’re back to man in a suit.

The Envelopes

The envelopes looking chic!!! Perhaps, more chic than 90% of the dudes here.

Zendaya

NO NOTES!

Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker

The goth couple is looking so slick. Props to Trav for not doing the bad boi trope again.

Nicole Kidman

Why? You had all the option in the world and you chose periwinkle gargoyle? Disappointed.

Rita Moreno

Thank you for the much-needed flats representation, Rita. Not sure what animal is on her head but would prefer if it was still alive.

Andrew Garfield

Could be wearing caution tape and I would give him 10/10. The smile wears itself!!!

Aunjanue Ellis

Other than the distracting nails, this is a moment as dramatic as the actors in the lead actor category.

Halle Bailey and Chloe Bailey

Halle is promoting her upcoming live action Little Mermaid remake. Chloe is also paying homage to Disney, dressed as one of the Muses from Hercules. The slit is also giving me anxiety.