A Mustache Can Be Unbearably Hot. It Can Also Be Appalling.

Let these famous men demonstrate the difference between going back in time to '70s disco, and going back in time to 1940s fascism.


Chris Evans in “The Gray Man” 0/10

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Chris Evans in “The Gray Man” — 0/10
Screenshot: Netflix

I want to preface this by saying that on first watch, I, personally, thought Chris Evans looked great portraying sociopathic, rogue CIA agent Lloyd Hansen in the recent Netflix hit The Gray Man. Evans—with a mustache—getting extremely violent and choking a bunch of men is pretty much a page out of my diary of embarrassing sexual fantasies, but enough about me.

All of this is to say I enjoyed this look until my colleagues here at Jezebel pointed out that Evans was basically donning a Hitler-stache, selected to align his character with fascist totalitarianism, which is honestly a bit of a turn-off. Remember what I said earlier about length and girth mattering?? Lloyd Hansen’s ‘stache is too short in horizontal length across Evans’ upper-lip, and too thick and pyramidal in shape. It’s definitely giving Nazi, and beyond that, there’s a visibly greasy element to it that I’m not loving—which is a great reminder that like all hair, mustaches should be properly cleaned and groomed!

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