Restaurant Flips Off Yelp in the Funniest Way Possible
Ill-founded or just plain lying negative reviews on Yelp are usually a reason for restaurant owners to lose sleep, as are Yelp’s extortionist business practices. The owners of one restaurant near San Francisco, CA, however, have come up with the best and snarkiest possible solution to the problem.
Chefs and co-owners Davide Cerritini and Michele Massimo of Botto Italian Bistro in Richmond, CA (both originally from Tuscany) finally got tired of Yelp’s attempts to extort money from them through repeated “advertising inquiries” and review manipulation (a practice which, let’s remind everyone, a federal judge recently ruled was totally OK).* Cerritini says he would be happy to not even participate in Yelp’s dog-and-pony show and has asked them to be removed entirely from their site, but Yelp never responded. So what did Cerritini and Massimo do to finally address the problem? Did they just grin and bear it, like 99% of all restaurants that regularly have to deal with Yelp’s garbage? Was their response thereafter to send a sternly-worded letter to Yelp? Perhaps they sought the advice of legal counsel?
NOPE. Their answer to the problem was way, way funnier than any of those: they started offering discounts (25% off any pizza and a chance to win a cooking class) for any customer who left them a 1-star Yelp review. You read that correctly: they are deliberately bringing their review average as low as possible in an effort to fuck with Yelp.
This isn’t all that surprising when one takes a look at Botto Bistro’s website, which has a page specifically devoted to the dumbest customer questions they get asked, including gems such as the following:
Q. Is your pasta made with eggs? I’m allergic to eggs.
A. No there are not eggs in our pasta.
Q. How can you be so sure?
A. Because I made the pasta myself without eggs.
Q. And nobody else would have thrown some eggs in it?
A. Oh yes, now I remember…yes we had a crazy guy yesterday in our kitchen throwing eggs all over the place and yes, he may have thrown some eggs in the pasta too. Who knows?
Q. Really?
A. Not really.
I’m 90% sure one or both of Cerritini and Massimo are my spirit animal. Their reviewers haven’t let them down, either, displaying uncommon satirical creativity: