A Somewhat Graphic and Wildly Frustrating Tale of Panda Sex
LatestDuring the act of sexual intercourse and all the various steps leading up to it, it’s important to make sure that you and your partner(s) are on the same page, lest the experience go to shambles. This is a sentence I wish I could say to Tian Tian and Mei Xiang, panda residents of the National Zoo, who have missed the ferry to that lovely seaside resort known as Pound Town every year since their first meeting. The pair is marooned, separated from coital bliss by a gaping ocean of confusion and frustration (and also by a sex position known as “pancaking”).
Mei Xiang (a female panda) is totally into Tian Tian (who is male), but Tian Tian has no idea what’s going on. Mei Xiang is not known in panda circles for her subtlety. According to a recent article in the New Yorker, when Mei Xiang wants to do all the sex things, “her main vocalization changes from a throaty whinny to a high-pitched chip,” which is apparently Pandaish for “I’m here! I’m here! My time is coming!” She also masturbates and lumbers toward adults males “rear end first” (quick, ladies, file this away as a good meet-cute tip). Mei Xiang is in charge of her sexuality.