All Aboard the Golden Girls-Themed Cruise, Destination Bone Zone

The Western Caribbean Cruise will launch from Miami (of course) next winter, with stopovers at Key West and Cozumel, Mexico. But what will really set the experience apart are the on-board activities, including a cheesecake party, bar crawl (yes, good), a “fancy dress party,” bingo night and a karaoke party at Blanche’s usual pickup haunt, the Rusty Anchor.

And those are just the scheduled activities. In my head, the entire ship will be a powder keg of geriatric horniness, and who knows what will happen! Appliquéd sweaters will fly; canes will be repurposed as whips; compression socks will…probably remain on, because I’m not sure you can just tug those things off.

Tickets start at $1,000 a pop for a standard cabin to just under $1,200 for a deluxe cabin with a balcony. If that sounds pricey, know that each ticket comes with an unlimited drinks package, which will undoubtedly facilitate things getting very weird.

Of course, actual patrons probably won’t be groups of senescent friends looking to let their perms down so much as packs of millennial influencers who love Betty White memes, but this is my blog post and I will envision a floating retirement orgy if I want to!!