Attention, Everyone: Please Stop Writing Girl's Guides To The Super Bowl

Look, I understand the need for Super Bowl guides: I am one of those people who doesn’t watch football, and having a basic set of football terminology (which one could easily get by visiting Wikipedia, btw) is helpful at times, as is just sitting there watching the game and picking it up after 20 seconds or so.

My lack of football enthusiasm doesn’t come from the fact that I have a vagina, it’s because I grew up in a baseball household and football was just never interesting to me, as it was never something my family really made a big deal of or something I connected to personally. That said, I have several female friends who live and breathe football, and several male friends who are just as disinterested in it as I am: so why are all the idiot’s guides to the Super Bowl aimed at the ladies? And why are they always so, so dumb? It’s one thing to acknowledge that some women do, indeed watch football, as this Associated Content article does, and that your article is for the non-football watching crowd, but including lines like “a bowl is another name for a football game” make the entire endeavor seem like some thing that needs to be read aloud, slowly, in a very loud voice, to someone who makes Karen from Mean Girls look like a genius.

I know it may come as a shock to some: but WOMEN LIKE SPORTS! They watch them! They know them! They even—wait for it—play them! I know right? Wacky. So if you’re going to write a guide for those of us who watch the Super Bowl mostly as a cultural event as opposed to a sporting event, it might be nice, for once, to write it as a guide that doesn’t involve patronizing winks to the ladies about the bean dip they’ll need to prepare for the bros or shout outs to what Kim Kardashian may be doing on the sidelines. Continuing to make women look stupid as means to “prepare” them to watch a football game just kind of makes us feel like this: