Beyoncé and Jay-Z Rent Out an Entire Zoo for Blue Ivy's Birthday

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America’s Most Important Baby Blue Ivy turned two yesterday, a fact you surely kept in mind as you adorned the celebrity baby altar you keep in the back of your apartment. And O! what fun was had.

For the occasion, Beyoncé and Jay Z rented out an entire zoological park in Miami, aptly named JUNGLE ISLAND — where Blue reportedly also frolicked amongst lemurs, orangutans, kangaroos and penguins, as famous two-year-olds are wont to do. (Yesterday a pigeon touched my foot so I know what it must have felt like to experience wild and exotic creatures up close like that.) Beyoncé wore a sweatshirt that said “SURFBOARD.” According to my estimates, it was the best party in the world. [TMZ]

The intrigue surrounding Lindsay Lohan‘s stolen laptop deepens: apparently, the tweets sent from her account about having it stolen were part of an elaborate extortion scheme, and the thieves were the ones who sent them. The laptop is said to contain private correspondences and naked pictures — although the alarm about the latter seems kind of misplaced because Lohan was in The Canyons, which was a movie about nudity and trying unsuccessfully to make facial expressions. As of now, her team is trying desperately to wipe the device remotely. [Radar]

Well, this is terrifying: Anne Hathaway got caught in a rip tide in Hawaii yesterday and was reportedly “screaming for assistance.” Fortunately, a nearby surfer rushed to help her, and she’s completely fine now. Thank goddess. The only lasting harm she sustained: she scraped her toe on the way in — but her husband quickly provided expert medical aid (he kissed it). [HuffPo]

Busy Philipps explaining why she named her daughter Cricket is the best thing I have ever heard. Apparently, her husband Marc Silverstein told her that the name was very excellent because “everyone likes [a girl named] Cricket, Cricket is just the greatest, happiest kid on the block … she’s hot in college” and also “Cricket is the coolest girl in school. She’s like the camp counselor that you have a crush on.” Okay, that logic sounds pretty flawless to me. [HuffPo]

  • For Christmas, Katy Perry got John Mayer a samurai sword. He got her A PAIR OF DIAMOND ANGEL WINGS. The question “what do you get for someone who has everything?” has finally been answered. [E!]
  • Britney Spears and her boyfriend are “totally in love” and “extremely happy” together. Good for them! [E!]
  • I found the worst thing on the Internet: “Bachmann Abbey.” [HuffPo]
  • WAIT, NEVERMIND, THAT TITLE HAS ALREADY BEEN USURPED: “John Mayer is ‘One Of the Finest Songwriters,’ Says Stevie Nicks.” Nooooo. Stevie, how. [Just Jared]
  • That scene from Girls season 2 in which Lena Dunham dances around topless whilst high on coke was supposed to be set to Rihanna, but RiRi refused. [HuffPo]
  • Kellan Lutz says that it is “rude” to say that he’s hooking up with Miley Cyrus. Mark it down in your etiquette books, people. [Gossip Cop]
  • Banksy‘s identity revealed!!!!!!! [MTV]
  • There is a rumor floating around that Aaron Sorkin is romancing Courtney Love. Huh. [Page Six]
  • Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake did not run into each other at the People’s Choice Awards. [Perez Hilton]
  • RUDE: Aubrey Plaza and Anna Kendrick went to Mexico and played with little tiny turtles and didn’t invite you. [Perez Hilton]
  • Amanda Bynes‘ court case is essentially being dropped today. Good — now she can continue to focus on staying healthy. [TMZ]
  • Aaron Paul loves his wife so much :’) [HuffPo]
  • Taylor Swift is apartment-hunting in New York City. I think there’s a room open in my building!!! You’re, like, chill with mice, right? [NY Daily News]
  • Justin Bieber, the naughtiest boy in your fifth grade class, is at it again: his neighbors called the police last night because he was pelting their house with “a minimum of 20” eggs. Bieber, what is your problem. [The Hollywood Gossip]
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