Beyoncé Goes H.A.M. at Super Bowl, Announces Imminent World Domination

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So last night Beyoncé literally blew the lights out at the Super Bowl with a powerhouse performance featuring Destiny’s Child (dammit, why “Bootylicious”? If they had done “Survivor” or “Bills Bills Bills,” I would have jumped on the coffee table and dumped the nacho dip over my head like a ‘roid-riddled athlete bathes in Gatorade). Plus she was giving us really intense “fuck you for putting me through all that lip-synching bullshit” death-eyes. Oh, and there were two creepy face-silhouettes made of fire, and a dazzling array of digital Beyoncés, and Michelle Obama called it “phenomenal,” AND here is some intel on her black leather butt doily if that’s the kind of thing that grinds your gears.

Anyway, she’s back, and she’s just announced the Mrs. Carter World Tour (love! Love, you guys!), her first multi-city tour in more than three years, which starts in Serbia and ends in Brooklyn. There is a video. It’s marginally insane. [YouTube via Hollywood Life]

And here are gifs. [Vulture]

A hella comprehensive list of celebrities responding to Beyonce’s halftime extravaganza on Twitter. (With an impressive volume of reactions that are simply “BEYONCE!!!”) [Gossip Cop]

It’s LOVE, you guys, it’s love, I want it. [NYDN]

Ever since Megan Fox’s son Noah was born, her diagnosed obsessive-compulsive disorder has significantly improved, Fox told Marie Claire UK: “I think Brian [Austin Green] was waiting to see what I would do [during the birth], because, you know, when they come out they are covered in all kinds of stuff. I took him right on my chest and, from that moment, nothing he does freaks me out. I don’t want to give him a complex. [The OCD] has been significantly better since he was born. I would say, like, 80 percent better. Which is nice.” [Contact Music]

A source close to Katie Holmes says that she wants to start dating again but is scared that she’ll fall RIGHT back into being the indentured servant/arm candy of a toothy megalomaniac who prays to space aliens again. Oldest story in the book, you guys. I mean, if I had a dime for every time I talked to my therapist about that, I’d have… zero dimes?

“Katie’s in a dilemma, because she wants to date but is concerned where it could lead to from there. She’s worried that if she commits herself fully to another man, she will have to give up the freedom she’s enjoying so much at the moment. As a single woman, she has no one controlling her nowadays, telling her what to do or who to see and she absolutely loves it!
However, at the same time, she also misses being with someone special to share experiences with and she doesn’t want to be alone for the rest of her life. Katie’s got Suri for the time being, and she is her best friend, but she does eventually want to find a man she can be that close with as well. She’s just a little nervous and cautious about relationships still right now.”

[Radar Online]

Justin Timberlake got in trouble with the Twitterverse after his a concert in New Orleans last night, when he prefaced his song “Cry Me A River” (supposedly written about his 2002 split with Britney Spears after she allegedly cheated on him with her choreographer Wade Robinson) with the following: “Sometimes in life, you think you found the one. But then one day you find out that she is just some bitch.” He has already taken to Twitter to do damage control.

[Times Live]

  • A member of Justin Bieber’s posse got in trouble for threatening an errant photo-snapping bystander. [TMZ]
  • Are he and Selena Gomez back together? Are we too old to care about this shit? Anyone ever try to self-diagnose shingles? I have! [Us Weekly]
  • Nadya “Octomom” Suleman can’t keep track of all her damn kids. [TMZ]
  • Larissa Oleynik, better known as Alex Mack, the plucky Nickelodeon preteen who got splashed with toxic waste and developed the amazing ability to turn into a Capri Sun commercial liquid-person, got a restraining order against a dude. [TMZ]
  • Unfathomably, it has JUST occurred to Lindsay Lohan that she owes her former lawyer $150,000. [TMZ]
  • Mel B. borrowed sneakers from Grimace. [Daily Mail]
  • Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Hudson sang together at a Super Bowl party. [Just Jared]
  • Only a royal person like Kate Middleton can pull off a G-D tartan cape. Props. [Us Weekly]
  • Jessica Simpson’s little daughter Maxwell stood in her fancy sink and looked inquisitive. [Us Weekly]
  • One Direction cheese puff and pride of England, Harry Styles, had a stripper-laden bacchanal for his 19th birthday. [People]
  • Michelle Obama took some of her lady friends to go see a Musiq Soulchild concert. To which she danced! Too adorable. [Page Six]
  • Stevie Wonder stopped his Super Bowl concert in New Orleans to announce his daughter Aisha Morris’s engagement. [Page Six]
  • Leonardo DiCaprio and Adriana Lima had sushi separately. Not a euphemism. [Page Six]
  • Katie Couric doesn’t live life like a rapper,” reads the first line of this item. WHAT? My entire life is a lie.[Page Six]
  • Adele got her mom a $950,000 London apartment. [Radar Online]
  • Kourtney Kardashian’s boyfriend Scott Disick is buying another Miami club. [NYDN]
  • Nicki Minaj told her Young Money mentor/pal Lil Wayne he probably wouldn’t like American Idol. [Vulture]
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