Broke Bobby If You’re Reading This Can You Please Ask Your Friends to Buy You Things

Did you see that TikTok from that guy with the “Forbes Friends List”? In the clip, a user posting videos under @tcruznc (who claims to be a real estate investor named Tom Cruz, but I’m not really going to be able to fact-check much of anything here given the various constraints of being a freelance breaking news blogger etc. etc., enjoy all the “claims” and “allegedlys”) shows viewers a digital spreadsheet that ranks his highest-earning friends, beginning with “Shawn” at $5 million a year all the way down to “Broke Bobby” at a mere $125,000.

Additional columns break down things like how much paid time off each friend has, what their relationship status is, whether they’d go somewhere @tcruznc would consider a “third-world country,” and who among them is a “degenerate gambler.”

@tcruznc says that he and his friends use the list to plan their group vacations: “This list is very pragmatic, and a lot of them are saying that it’s very motivational. So, it allows us to avoid awkward situations within our friend group, inviting certain friends that may or may not want to do what we wanna do especially when it comes to gambling or spending a lot of money.”

He later shared another video allegedly depicting the bottom earners in his friend group, whom he dubs “the Welfare Ten.” Contrary to what the name might suggest, some of the so-called Welfare Ten earn an annual income of just under $100,000.

Getting mad at this video doesn’t really feel like it’ll do much for me, personally. (Besides, it looks like @tcruznc has a habit of making content out of any criticism of his account.) So, all I really feel like saying is: Broke Bobby!!!! If you’re reading this slash do in fact exist!!!! Ask Shawn to pay for your vacations what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!