College Students Engaged in Terrifying New Practice of Drinking Alcohol Before They Drink Alcohol
LatestOh, I’m sorry, did I accidentally sleepwalk through a tesseract last night and wake up in a universe where scare pieces about “pre-funking” aren’t older and hoarier than Father Time’s mustache? NO? Then why have the newsies delivered this scandal to me in today’s gazette!?
“Pre-drinking” or “pre-funking” common among young alcohol users
The horrors of “pre-funking” have been scandalizing biddies since I was in college, and that is a long time because I am one million (okay, I am a coelacanth). Pre-funking, to me, is akin to panic about “hookup culture“—it’s not not happening, exactly, but it’s also not not bullshit.
Look. Drinking until you die is bad. Self-destructive behavior is bad. Hazing is bad. Beer bongs filled with vodka are bad. But young people have been doing this for-fucking-ever, and, I’m sorry, but if one of your bogeymen is that students are using alcohol for the purposes of “becoming intoxicated and socializing with friends or facilitating contacts with potential sexual partners,” then I’m going to have to give you an F+ in DUH SCHOOL. I don’t want students to die or drive drunk and I want them to learn to manage alcohol and drugs responsibly, but I also think that a certain amount of reckless behavior and hungover Sundays is part of youth. I certainly don’t regret mine, and we drank HELLA wine in the dorms before Toga or whatever.