Crap Email From A Dude: "Aren’t You The Typical Jew"


As we all know, the Internet is a magical place full of cat videos, cheap thongs, and complete racist fucks who hang out on dating sites trying — and occasionally managing — to appear normal enough to bother taking to.

“Jen” and “Dave” met through one of those a dating sites your mother thinks you should join because, you know, why rule anything out, right? Jen and Dave were of different races and religions, and Dave was keen to meet up. The two found they had enough in common to merit two decent dates. Jen says, for the record, that her profile page clearly noted that she is, in her words, “Jewish, fat and bi,” but that Dave’s profile never mentioned his apparently strict physical standards for mates, nor that he was a practicing Christian with something against, in his words, “fags” and “Jews.” Perhaps unsurprisingly, the third date went so badly that they actually abandoned it halfway through. Jen ignored Dave’s subsequent messages. Then, three months later, she received this Crap:

Well I tryed to be friends with you. I don’t know what happened. But anyway I am getting rid of this account and letting my friends have a little say to who ever treated me wrong.Well well well. Aren’t you the typical Jew. A big fat and ugly small breasted Jew with no ass at all and beady little eyes. Hank Hill has a bigger ass. Oh then your Bi. It is like a train wrack. Except it is not entertaining or good to look at. You had the nicest guy in the world and you let him go. I mean last time I checked there was not a big demand for losers like you. D told me how you tried to get him to go into the fag bar. That’s right fag bar!!! God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve!!!! Then I had to come help look for the lens for his glasses because somebody would rather watch a bunch a fags dance. But I guess If I looked like that I would that anything. I am surprised D even let you hug him. That was probably the most action you ever got. You people make me sick at how you treat men like Don. But that’s ok you will be punished anyway seeing as how you people killed Jesus to make matters worse your Bi. Its going to take a long time for a fat ass like you to burn!!!! Oh I am glad you are off D facebook!!! I nearly lost my lunch every time I saw you pic. You did not deserve him anyway he was to good for you anyway. He has a great job that is going places and you did not deserve him. May you never find someone. I hope you turn into the crazy cat lady and get raped!!!

In a way, considering we live in a world where people just love to tell us that finding things like, uh, blackface to be in questionable taste just shows we lack a sense of humor, it’s nice to have a sample of a hate speech so breath-takingly and clearly reprehensible across so many different indices of awfulness as to be actually beyond beyond dispute. Dave’s email is like hate speech distillate. And the whole fake friend thing: what the hell is that? This reminds us of when the first boy we ever tongue-kissed, Fraser McInnes, ended our six-week relationship in Third Form, by getting his “friend” “Simon” to give us the bad news by phone. Only 2,073% worse because, oh yeah, hate speech.

The photo is of Rick Sanchez, because no matter what race you happen to be, when you start blaming your problems on “Jews” you have put yourself basically in the wrong.

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