Don Lemon’s Wedding Was the Worst

Over the weekend, Don Lemon and his partner, Tim Malone, tied the knot in the only way I’d expect of an accused misogynist in corporate media and a real estate broker: an ultra-traditional ceremony in midtown, Manhattan.

On Saturday, the longtime couple wed at Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church. Good for them, I guess? But there are plenty of details about the nuptials that warrant an eye-roll. For starters: their matching velvet tuxedos. For a spring ceremony? Criminal. Secondly, their three little dogs also…wearing matching tuxedos. Sinful. The fact that the reception was held at Ralph Lauren’s Polo Bar? Downright dull. But none of that is even the worst part.

When one openly insufferable person gets married, the odds are that at least fifty percent of the guest list is also openly insufferable. So, of course, Lemon’s side of the church included a predator, a phony Spaniard, and pretty much a who’s who roster of the most annoying people still on television. Disgraced Today Show anchor Matt Lauer and his businesswoman girlfriend, Shamin Abas; Alec and Hilaria Baldwin; and almost the entire cast of The View were all on hand for the celebration. Frankly, I’d rather watch The View for 24 hours straight than go even within 50 miles of a church full of these people.

Also on the list was legendary record producer Clive Davis (and his cobalt orthopedic sneakers), former Real Housewives of New York City housewife Luann de Lesseps, and Tamron Hall—who is the only attendee exempt from my contempt.

Now, it gets better. (By which I mean, it gets worse.) According to the Daily Mail, before the ceremony, the couple got a phone call from none other than Vice President Kamala Harris who offered them wishes of a “marriage full of love, laughter and good food.” Speaking of! Remember when Lemon dressed in Harris drag? My therapist sure does!

It’s been a weird year for the former CNN and X reporter. In April 2023, Lemon was axed from CNN after it was revealed he was a pretty shitty guy to work with. More than a dozen of the longtime anchor’s former and current coworkers told Variety about accusations of Lemon’s sexist behavior and disrespect. He was also accused of having a long-term relationship with a 22-year-old employee just out of college when he was 41 and pretty powerful at the network. However, the final straw for Lemon arrived when he pivoted to on-air misogyny by asking conservative pundit S.E. Cupp if she had “mommy brain” when she lost her train of thought and asserting that the then 51-year-old Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley was “past her prime.” Months later, Lemon linked up with Elon Musk to host his own show on X. One interview with Musk later, that show was terminated from the platform before it even premiered.

Judging by the slew of celebrity friends at his wedding, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before his next venture will be announced…

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