Drake and Rihanna Totally Make Out

CelebritiesDirt Bag

Last name “It.” First name “Totally Doing.” Wheelchair Jimmy Drake and Rihanna either had an arm wrestling match with their faces or made out at a club in Canada a few weeks ago. An onlooker described the pair as “all over each other.” I describe the pair as “a duet about love wherein both singers sound bored waiting to happen.” Never have two performers ever conveyed the impression that they’re staring off into space while singing than Rihanna and Drake. Mazel tov, you crazy kids. [TMZ]

  • Kim Kardashian and Her Giant Fiance are studying the Bible in search of verses to inscribe on their wedding bands. I suggest they hurry and get themselves to my favorite book of the Bible, the Book of Famewhores, before their 2 hour wedding spectacular- titled, tentatively, That’s Enough, Kardashians– airs on E! [TMZ]
  • Lauren Conrad-fresh off her split from That one sort of cute guy from My Boys who isn’t Reid Scott– has dyed her hair all sorts of crazy My Little Pony colors. I guess that’s one of the aesthetic freedoms you enjoy when your career requires you to look passively incredulous on camera and be friends with Brody Jenner. [Yahoo OMG]
  • For the first time, more viewers between the ages of 18 and 49 are watching The Daily Show than The Tonight Show. This is something that could easily have been predicted long ago, because never in the history of television has The Tonight Show sucked so much. [ONTD]
  • Kate Moss‘s wedding to that guy who keeps being described as a “rocker” reportedly cost a million pounds. That’s like more than 375 million drachmas, if you’re talking defunct currency. [Digital Spy]
  • Former boy band feeler of feelings Nick Lachey and former VJ on channel that formerly played music videos MTV Vanessa Minillo want to reproduce soon. The world’s first baby that’s already washed up when it emerges from the birth canal. [People]
  • Jada Pinkett Smith says she gave up singing in her crappy band to raise her family. If only Appolonia had made a similar decision, my feelings on Prince wouldn’t be so fraught with complication. [Digital Spy]
  • Everyone’s most adorably heartbroken ex girlfriend Taylor Swift had to cancel a show in Kentucky because she was feeling under the weather. This is the first time she’s ever had to skip taking the stage due to illness, but I hope for all of our sakes that she spent her downtime writing another song that rhymes “heart” with “apart.” [Contact Music]
  • One of the Jonases covered Lady Gaga’s The Edge of Glory at a concert. Inscrutable lyrics and guitar abounded. Panties became moistened. I continue to not understand what the song is about. Are the singer of the song and the subject of the song actually going to do something glorious like singlehandedly fight the Persians at Thermopylae or is Lady Gaga just trying to convince someone she wants to fuck that she’s about to get famous? [ONTD]
  • Chord Overstreet, who I’m still not sure is actually a person and not a musical robot named after a captcha, won’t be returning to Glee as a series regular this fall. [Yahoo OMG]
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