Everyone Dies, Thank God

Everyone Dies, Thank God
Image: (Getty)

It’s Friday, and we still don’t know who took Julianne’s chair.

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

  • Attorney General William Barr knows history isn’t exactly going to be kind to him, and he’s okay talking about it on national television. In an interview with CBS News about his relationship with President Trump, Barr said: “I am at the end of my career […] Everyone dies and I am not, you know, I don’t believe in the Homeric idea that you know, immortality comes by, you know, having odes sung about you over the centuries, you know?” There’s some self-awareness here, but Barr still thinks he’s acted responsibly and our “hyper-partisan” politics are to blame for any criticisms of him. [CBS News]
  • The U.S. plans to sell oil leases in Alaska’s National Wildlife Refuge, the largest wildlife sanctuary in the country, sometime later this year. [Reuters]
  • According to an unidentified source who spoke to a South Korean newspaper, North Korea executed its top nuclear envoy and four other officials after the U.S.-North Korea summit in February ended without a deal. Kim Hyok Chol allegedly died by firing squad. [Bloomberg]
  • Louisiana now bans abortions once fetal activity can be detected. [CNN]
  • Migrant children are being held in Border Patrol stations longer than 72 hours before being transferred to “more-hospitable shelters,” which is illegal. [Washington Post]
  • Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Ted Cruz can agree on one thing, and that’s stopping the revolving door in Washington. [Politico]
  • Ask the men running for president what they think about Kirsten Gillibrand for once. [Twitter]

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:

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