Say you’re having sex with a woman, but you’re worried that, being a lying, baby-hungry female, she might secretly impregnate herself with the used condom. Your solution: hot sauce.
According to a letter to Cary Tennis, a radio talk show host advised his male listeners to squirt hot sauce into their used condoms so that women with stealth-pregnancy on the brain would get a burnt vagina instead. At the very least, the host told guys to wash their condoms thoroughly after removal to prevent ladies from stealing their precious seed. Like any person with half a brain and a quarter of a conscience, the letter-writer thought this was insane . . . until she told her fiance about it:
I laughed and said the host sounded like an egomaniac who didn’t know a lot about reproduction, but then I noticed he wasn’t laughing with me.
I said, Did you believe that guy? And he said, Yes. So I asked, Did you do that when we were together and using condoms? (I’m on different birth control now.) And he said, Well, yes.
She goes on to say that her fiance has OCD issues and maybe that’s why he’s obsessed with sperm-stealing, and Cary suggests that he get treatment before they get married. He also says that the radio host in question is probably Tom Leykis, who also recommends that a man lie to women about his job, and that he “scribble his phone number on a found ATM receipt that reflects a large bank balance” in order to make himself look rich. According to Cary, Leykis assumes “that neither party is in good faith and that each is trying to screw over the other. That’s a model of the capitalist marketplace at its worst; it is not a model of a loving relationship.” May we add that if you’re the kind of guy who would put hot sauce in your condoms, you might attract the kind of woman who would try to knock herself up without your knowledge?