When we were little, my sister liked The Little Mermaid’s Chef Louis, the mustachioed French sea cook who tried unsuccessfully to boil Sebastian the crab alive. I always thought that was deeply weird, having not yet learned that everyone has their thing. But now I have seen John Stamos as Chef Louis, and I… get it? I think?
On Sunday, ABC dropped the teaser for The Little Mermaid Live! (not to be confused with the live Little Mermaid remake, because 1990s Disney is a never-ending cash cow), featuring Stamos as Sebastian’s tormenter. He’s got the stache, the red scarf, the thick brows, the oversized hat, and the staggering confidence of a man who does not yet know he’s about to be bested by an anthropomorphic crustacean.