How to Work at Jezebel: Fuck a Turtle

In Depth

ERIN: someone just tweeted this at me

KATE: turtle sex?

DODAI: who did we decide was the sexiest? Donatello?

KATE: he’s the bad boy right

KATE: or the one with the bad attitude

DODAI: actually jessica

DODAI: we should repub that from last year


DODAI: just like put it up again

KATE: i was looking at a sublet last summer and they made me say which one i was and i said donatello i think


KATE: (i didn’t end up living there)

JESSICA: (also raphael is the hottest turtle, we’ve discussed this)

DODAI: i like Michaelangelo!

KELLY: donatello duh

KELLY: he’s the intellectual

HILLARY: my friend named Raphael was like ‘I got to play TMNT with my son and didn’t even have to change my name!’



KELLY: although shoutout to leonardo, the tortured leader

DODAI: stop thinking inside the box Erin

DODAI: think outside the PIZZA BOX

JESSICA: you’re so sheltered, erin

JESSICA: fuck a turtle, then come talk to us

DODAI: How To Work At Jezebel: Fuck A Turtle


KATE: oh wait you know what

HILLARY: TBH, I hate the new TMNT movie though, they look fucking nuts … in a bad way

KATE: i just checked my archives

KATE: and i said raphael

KATE: because “raphael is cool but rude”

JESSICA: that’s right, kate

HILLARY: Like turtles muscle heads on roids

MADDIE: unless we’re talking about disney’s robin hood, i have little interest in fuckable cartoons

HILLARY: the fox?

KELLY: Cartoons The Jezebel Staff Would Bone, Ranked


KELLY: hahaha


MADDIE: i wrote that too

DODAI: we’re on it kelly.

MADDIE: i’m such a hypocrite

MARK: There is so much misandry at jezebel

MARK: Maddie writes that she wants to give it to a cartoon fox

MARK: and everyone rejoices

MARK: I wrote that Time did a fun thing where they put Anna from Frozen on Tinder

MARK: and I get called a pedophile

MADDIE: sorry, have you heard robin hood talk?

MADDIE: it’s as smooth as butter

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