I Am a Scholar and My Area of Expertise Is Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s Instagram Account
In DepthIn DepthDwayne “The Rock” Johnson loves a two-dot ellipse. He favors the whiskey emoji, although he drinks tequila. To treat himself, he’ll fire up a Netflix documentary on his laptop and order a delivery platter of sushi, which he invariably calls “soosh.” Sometimes he might instead crush a plate of banana chocolate chip pancakes, even though they give him the “sugar sweats.”
I know these important facts because for the last few years I have followed Johnson’s Instagram account with somewhat obsessive fascination. Occasionally, at night, I’ll turn to my husband, who thus forth has been the only audience for my The Rock observations, and say: “The Rock posted another whiskey emoji” or “Guess what, The Rock is having ‘soosh’ again.” And we will laugh and laugh, because we both know that is just so The Rock, isn’t it?
Essentially, I have been studying at Dwayne Johnson Instagram University. There is no diploma for this advanced degree, which is why I have to write this article. It is the only form of acknowledgment that I will ever receive for my extended study of The Rock’s social media presence. At this point, I could take over Johnson’s Instagram account for a week and no one would be able to tell the difference.
I have been a casual fan of Johnson’s since his WWF days. In high school, flipping channels, I would pause whenever I came across one of his matches (because hello, fine sir). In my early 20s, I all-too-giddily posed for a photo, palms to pecs, with a wax figure of Johnson wearing a leather vest. A few years back, I even downloaded his motivational alarm clock app, which featured him shouting things like “bring it” and “beep beep beep” at you. (It was delightful.) Over the last decade, I have managed to see nearly a dozen of his films, but I am not so much of a fan that I have seen The Scorpion King or that Baywatch remake or even a single episode of Ballers (although I did look up a sex scene on YouTube). That said, I have been moved to tears during both Skyscraper and Titan Games.
It is an ironic celebrity crush, both in the sense that it is somewhat unexpected and that it’s imbued with a subtle mockery of myself and of The Rock himself. His fame has always had that dual quality to it. He played the typical WWF part with the oiled-up muscles, booty shorts, and over-the-top chest-rattling, but he rose to stardom with that signature eyebrow raise, which was effectively a playful wink right at the audience, an acknowledgment of his own absurdity. And now, he is both fighting fictional terrorists atop a flaming 240-story building in Skyscraper and genially singing “You’re Welcome.”
But it wasn’t until I started studying his Instagram, that I came to understand just how fundamental that duality, and dissonance, is to his appeal. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but he is a very big man—6’5” with biceps so strong they could crush a cantaloupe—and yet he lets his three-year-old daughter paint his fingernails, and sometimes even his face. He reminds us of this multiple times in his feed—both that he is a big man, as if we could forget, and that his daughter has him wrapped around her finger. The schtick, and it’s a compelling one, is adorable emasculation.
Alongside a photo of him teaching his daughter how to swim, he writes, “Took my shirt off and she said, Daddy I like it your brown boobies.. .” In another post, he’s shown dressed up in a canary-yellow full-body Pikachu costume as a treat for his daughter. There he is, cooking for his girlfriend and daughters with his sweatshirt tied around his waist like an apron (#TakinCareOfMyGirls). On International Women’s Day, he posted a video of himself with daughter Jasmine wherein he instructs her, “Alright, my queen, can we say ‘girl power’?” In the accompanying caption, he writes, “To every woman out there ‘round the world – all ages and races – I proudly stand by your side to always honor, protect and respect.”
It is all so self-consciously, performatively, panderingly Woke Dad—with a touch of insidious, benevolent sexism—and yet. He’s The Rock, is what my heart and loins maniacally scream. Critical thinking ceases. Higher systems shut down. Because there he is rescuing a baby bird that has fallen from its nest.
His reverence for women, and the masculine updraft that he sometimes gets from it, can climb to stratospheric levels, as with his post about the birth of his third daughter. “Word to the wise gentlemen, it’s critical to be by your lady’s head when she’s delivering, being as supportive as you can.. holding hands, holding legs, whatever you can do,” he wrote. “But, if you really want to understand the single most powerful and primal moment life will ever offer – watch your child being born.”
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