If You Haven't Seen Chris Pratt's New Space-Cop Abs, Happy Birthday

CelebritiesDirt Bag

I don’t know what’s wrong with me (love, maybe? I guess?), but at some point in the fairly recent past I lost the ability to have celebrity crushes. I just can’t remember the point of having a crush on someone you don’t know, you know? How does that even work? I’m never even going to meet that person! Why would I want to put my mouth on a stranger’s mouth?!? GROSS. However, I do have some exceptions. Chris Pratt is a major one. Like, to the point where I will giggle like a bozo at just a photograph of his face when it isn’t even doing anything funny. (ALSO I WILL ACCEPT IDRIS ELBA.)

Anyway, in preparation for his upcoming role as Star-Lord in Guardians of the Galaxy, Pratt did a whole bunch of protein-guzzling and iron-pumpage and transformed from lovable schlub Andy Dwyer into a chiseled interplanetary space-sheriff. My boner doesn’t particularly care (in fact, his regular-approachable-cornfed-dudeness is part of his appeal), but it’s still interesting to observe the drastic transformation of a human. Also, SHOULDERS.

The “Parks and Recreation” star took to Instagram this weekend to show off his washboard abs and bulky biceps, adding, “Six months no beer. #GOTG Kinda douchey to post this but my brother made me.”
Pratt is no stranger to total-body transformation. He was 220 pounds in “Moneyball,” playing a professional baseball player, then gained 50 pounds for “10 Years,” only to drop serious weight again in becoming a Navy SEAL for ”Zero Dark Thirty.”
“I just like to gain weight and lose weight,” Pratt told Vulture in September. “It’s a roller coaster. I just want to do this.”

You do you, star sailor. You do you. [ABC] [Instagram]

Oh, also, here are 10 male celebrities, including Chris Pratt, who went from “chunks to hunks.” Barf. Also, in that ABC article above, it talks about Pratt “deserving” to share screen time with Zoe Saldana now that he’s finally toned up. In case it doesn’t go without saying, BARF BARF BARF UPON YOUR BEAUTY STANDARDS. A male celebrity’s worth isn’t contingent on his “beach body” any more than a female celebrity’s is. I LOVE ALL PRATTS GREAT AND SMALL. [VH1]

Country star Randy Travis has been hospitalized with heart trouble and is reportedly in critical condition.

Country superstar Randy Travis is in CRITICAL CONDITION after suffering from complications stemming from recently acquired viral cardiomyopathy … this according to the singer’s rep.
We’re told the 54-year-old Grammy winner was admitted to a hospital in Texas yesterday.
According to the Mayo Clinic, cardiomyopathy is a “disease that weakens and enlarges your heart muscle.” Cardiomyopathy can lead to heart failure.
It’s unclear what caused Travis’ condition.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery, Randy. [TMZ]

I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t drop everything right now and watch a video called “Watch Alan Cumming Read Anything We Put in Front of Him,” so, you know, chop chop. [Vulture]

  • Here’s “everything you need to know” about the George Clooney/Stacy Keibler break-up. Mainly what happened is that they broke up. [E!]
  • Wiz Khalifa and Amber Rose got married. [People]
  • Mariah Carey dislocated her shoulder!!! [People]
  • Spike Lee is remaking Oldboy and the poster looks kind of goofy as fuck, tbh. [Variety]
  • I can’t imagine why it’s news that some judge is yelling at Omarosa‘s mom, but here it is. [TMZ]
  • I know I’m a day late, but fuck all of this. [PublicShaming]
  • Thanks for going out of your way to clarify that this is not a photograph of you and Donald Faison having gay sex in a pool, Zach Braff. Because I was confused. [Us]
  • “Finally! Avril Lavigne’s Black Wedding Gown.” Yes. Okay. Finally. [People]
  • Someone hacked JWoww‘s Twitter and put swastikas everywhere. [TMZ]

Images via Getty.

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