On Monday afternoon, sometime between President Trump’s tweet about Maine lobsters and his decision to shit on Lady Gaga during a campaign rally, I received a push notification from New York Times Cooking titled, “Our Best Ideas For Your Election Day Menu.” The curated list included elevated Super Bowl party options like Tater Tot Casserole and Bricklayer Style Nachos and Real Sour Cream Onion Dip, to more intricate fare like a Pickle-Brined Fried Chicken Sandwich, Spicy Tamarind Pork Ribs, Butternut Squash Pasta, Spicy Tomato-Coconut Bisque, and Mad Men-friendly drinks like Manhattans.
I couldn’t help but scoff at the alert, not because the selections weren’t tempting (I have the nacho dish saved), but because the very idea of mustering up the energy to prepare an elaborate spread of delectable foodstuffs on election night—while watching election results—is unfathomable. Days ago, as I was loosely meal planning for the week ahead, I left Tuesday, November 3, empty for a reason. “Here are some comforting dishes to cook and eat as the results roll in,” read the dek of the recipe list. Comforting, sure. But I won’t be dirtying pots or pans or bringing out the chopping board and salad spinner while CNN’s Gloria Borger breaks down some exit polling. No, my boyfriend and I are going to order a massive pepperoni pizza drown our election anxiety in cheese grease and garlic knots instead.
When I shared this plan with my Jezebel colleagues, Senior Editor Kelly Faircloth mentioned a plan of her own.
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