Jessica Alba To Lose Baby Weight By Starving Herself

By Dodai Stewart | August 3, 2011 | 1:00pm

Celebrities Dirt Bag

Have you been lying awake at night wondering how Jessica Alba will get thin again after giving birth to baby number 2 this month? Well: “I have a hard time with portion control, so I have 1,200 calorie meals delivered,” she tells Lucky magazine. “But I also work out, so basically I’m starving. It sucks. I drink a lot of water.” Jess also says: “In the gym, I have like five things to distract me: TV, iPod, magazines. Working partners are good, too, so you can chat and not just drown in your own misery… Sorry, does that sound bad? I just hate working out.” On the one hand, what the hell is wrong with our society that women have to starve to be considered attractive and land magazine covers and cosmetic ad campaigns? On the other hand: At least she admits that it fucking sucks? [Us Magazine] [Also, a publicist requested we link to Lucky, but you won’t find any juicy quotes at the link, just a weak-ass slideshow, so don’t bother clicking.]
One final word from Jessica Alba: “I really can’t imagine having more [kids] than this — more than what’s happening right now… Kids are a lot of work and at the end of a pregnancy, it’s sort of like you can’t really imagine having more. But we’ll see.” [Just Jared]

Mila Kunis didn’t like a question a reporter asked at a Moscow press conference for Friends With Benefits. So she shut her down. In Russian. Hot. [E!]

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Jada and Will Smith‘s huge, glorious, surprisingly tastefully done house is features in the new issue of Architectural Digest. The twenty-five thousand square feet adobe-style pad has been designed with “no dead ends… to create an infinite cycle that represented what Jada and I hoped for our love.'” Yes, seriously. [ONTD, Daily Mail, Architectural Digest (slideshow)]

Yay! Melissa McCarthy will host the second episode of the new season of Saturday Night Live. The season premiere will be hosted by Alec Baldwin. [Huffington Post]

Kendra Wilkinson is not a fan of Hef‘s ex-fiancée, Crystal Harris. “Look, she agreed to get married to him!” she says. “When I was with Hef, he knew that we were friends. I knew that we were friends, but [Crystal] said she wanted to get married and then backstabbed him to that level? That’s like cruel.” Kendra also says: “I don’t think this one [twenty-something] year old girl is going to get in the way of Hugh Hefner. He’s dealt with other problems, and I don’t think he’s running low on hoes!” New slogan, y’all. [Us Magazine]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino — known for lifting his shirt — has just signed a six-figure deal to endorse a line of tuxedos. Because when you think formal wear, you think chain-smoking hot-headed sleazebag. Prom will never be the same. [TMZ]
By the by, if you want to see photos of the lovely house in Florence the Jersey Shore kids probably trashed, here ya go. [ONTD]

Leonardo DiCaprio is the highest-paid actor in Hollywood. He made $77 million last year, which buys a lot of baseball caps and scowling. [Ministry Of Gossip]
The class James Franco is teaching at NYU in the fall involves turning poetry into film. [NYDN]
Lindsay Lohan was supposed to be on the September cover of Vanity Fair (again?!?!) but was shoved aside so that Jennifer Lopez could tell her story. Divorce is more exciting than unemployment. [ONTD]
“Lindsay Lohan is back to what she does best, partying late and falling over in public.” [Page Six]
Watch The Throne fans, have no fear: Jay-Z and Kanye West are not feuding. Jay says: “Kanye is my brother. Yes, we get on each other’s nerves, but that’s part of pushing each other.” Still waiting for that Odd Couple show. Make it happen. [Page Six]
Charlyne Yi is joining the cast of House. [ONTD]
The Two And A Half Men premiere will be a two-part show, during which viewers will find out that Charlie Harper (previously played by Charlie Sheen) is dead. The episode will feature his funeral, and folks coming to buy his house — Ashton Kutcher among them. Will Chuckles watch his character’s eulogy? And is this what winning looks like? [Deadline Hollywood]
Ovary-splosion alert: Taye Diggs and his adorable child are adorable. [Just Jared]
White House party attendees Tareq and Michaele Salahi are maybe going to appear on Australia’s Dancing With The Stars. As the stars. [TMZ]
Alexander Skarsgard took a walk in New York and looked hot while doing so. [ONTD]
James Earl Jones and Oprah Winfrey are getting honorary Oscars. [ONTD]
Sofia Vergara‘s brother has been deported after being arrested 30 times. [Radar Online]
Vanessa Minnillo‘s mother wasn’t invited to her daughter’s wedding. [Radar]
Ooh, lost Hitchcock film found! [ONTD]
“From all evidence, the object that occupied center stage at Nassau rarely sang (at least not live, or without audio helper). It didn’t move with any more animation or engagement than a well-oiled robot. And it didn’t project much in the way of personality. Mainly, it just mouthed the words, pantomimed the dance routines, and dutifully zombied its way through a show heavy on theatrical effects but woefully light on drama.” — from a review of Britney Spears‘s recent concert. [NYDN]
“Eloise! You’re getting slobbered on, on your vagina. That’s not something I’m enjoying. Eloise, come on. Don’t give men too much. It’s unseemly. You can’t just roll over for any old bulldog. You need to know your worth, dear.” — Emmy nominee Martha Plimpton, talking to her two-year-old Wheaten terrier mutt. [New York]