Just Cover Your Damn Blowhole, Mike Pence

Just Cover Your Damn Blowhole, Mike Pence
Image: (Getty)

Pretty much every health organization on the planet agrees that covering the parts of our bodies most likely to project covid-19-infused droplets onto our fellow humans with a mask or bandana, or if you’re Britney Spears’s boyfriend, a jockstrap, is common decency in these infectious times. However, Mike Pence, unused to both common decency and impediments to the noxious shit frequently expelled from his orifices, chose to visit the Mayo Clinic mask-free.

In a deleted tweet, the Mayo Clinic said it specifically asked coronavirus task force leader Pence, who notoriously chooses not to cover his goddamn piehole when out in public, to please just wear a mask this once for his visit to a place where sick people and those working to help the sick people are gathered. Predictably, Pence did not.

Press photos depict a bald-faced Pence standing just inches from other people despite the facility’s mandatory mask policy. Weeks ago, President Trump expressed similar aversion to masks. Would love to write “It’s your funeral,” but of course I cannot since, devastatingly, it’s a lot of people’s funerals, not that either of these goddamn ghouls has ever been even momentarily bothered by that idea before. [CNBC]

In 13 states, pregnant people with limited access to abortion due to stay-at-home orders are able to consult with physicians and receive abortion pills in the mail via a telehealth program TelAbortion.

The program is part of a research study approved by the Food and Drug Administration for the next few years. Medication abortions have been approved by the F.D.A. since 2000, and no restriction mandates that they must be administered in person:

“The F.D.A. rules, however, do not specify that providers must see patients in person, so some clinics have begun allowing women to come in for video consultations with certified doctors based elsewhere. TelAbortion goes further, offering telemedicine consultations to women at home (or anywhere), mailing them pills and following up after women take them.”

On April 22, TelAbortion confirmed that they had successfully mailed 841 packages and say they are speaking with people hoping to cross state lines to access their services, especially in light of the fact that states like Texas are currently pulling out all the stops to use covid-19 as an excuse to ban access to safe abortions. Predictably, Republicans, upon learning of some new path to bodily autonomy, have already introduced a bill aimed at shutting TelAbortion down. [New York Times]

  • Don’t want to work in a state that dangerously and prematurely re-opens businesses during a pandemic? Well, say goodbye to unemployment. [Texas Tribune]
  • Trump’s daily coronavirus briefing sounds like the opening roll-up to the dumbest sci-fi epic of all time, created by writers too lazy to even ascribe a name like “Empire” to the villain, instead just jotting down “Somebody,” blaming it for everything, and calling it good enough. [Huffington Post]
  • Twist: “Somebody” was Trump all along! [Huffington Post]
  • Didn’t read far enough to find out what Mitch McConnell wants in exchange for coronavirus aid because I got too scared it’s prima nocta. [Politico]
  • Speaking of Mitch, the apparently reformed shutdown enthusiast is now chomping at the bit to get back to work. [Politico]
  • But too bad because it ain’t happening. [Twitter]
  • Wanna read a Kayleigh McEnany profile? Knock yourself out. [New York Times]
  • Jeff Flake has RSVPd no for Trump 2020. [The Hill]
  • Berkshire Hathaway is perhaps using this moment to do a little union-busting of at-risk delivery drivers and warehouse workers. [New York Times]
  • Trump’s gotta have his meat. [Poliico]
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Share Tweet Submit Pin