Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Totally Made Out at Laser Tag

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Noooooo: lovable pop singer/contributing member of America’s most significant cultural institution (Spring Breakers) Selena Gomez and petulant goblin prince Justin Bieber have reconciled.

According to a new exclusive report, the couple went to play laser tag (as teen millionaires are wont to do???) but then forsook the game entirely, opting instead to make out in a dark and foggy corner —locked in a tragic embrace in a misty moor, like Tristan and Isolde playing a blacklight-suffused arcade game. [Hollywood Life]

Other Jelena sightings in the past week: like your average former couple suspended in an eternal state of teenagedom, the pair got Starbucks together. Unlike your average former teen couple, they then had a two hour private dance rehearsal and then he went to her stadium concert. [The Hollywood Gossip]

In other Bieber news, TMZ has cobbled together some clips of the young man taken from his four-and-a-half hour deposition. Like his slight glimmer of a mustache, the footage is pretty unpleasant to look at. [TMZ]

Jennifer Aniston was asked at least two questions about Mexican food by Self.com, granting us a deep and very personal look at the actress. Some samples: “The food I love so much that if I dropped it on the floor, I’d eat it anyway is: a nacho.” and “If yoga didn’t exist, I’d: invent it.” Wow. Such insight. [Self]

Prince William and Kate Middleton have finally chosen a royal nanny, who (it is affirmed twice) is “married to her job.” Congrats on the nuptials, Prince George’s nanny and Royal Occupation! [People]

  • Teen fashion icons/keepers of this earth’s esoteric mysteries Jaden Smith and Kylie Jenner got sushi together. [Bossip]
  • Christian Bale and his wife Sibi Blazic are expecting their second child. [DListed]
  • Stacy Keibler, the former pro wrestler whom George Clooney used to date, got married to her boyfriend of six months and then released a statement in which she rhapsodized about her “love day.” [DListed]
  • Liam Neeson is still going on about the goddamn Central Park carriage horses, insisting that the majestic beasts we have forced into wretched servitude are happy and well-cared for. Come ON, Liam. [NY Daily News]
  • Kevin Bacon says he used to find the six degrees of Kevin Bacon game belittling, but he’s developed thicker skin in the 20 years it’s been around 🙁 [ONTD]
  • Josh Hutcherson says he would like to have tattoos covering “every inch” of his body. If your mind didn’t go immediately to dragon penis tattoo (link NSFW, duh), then you are a stronger person than I. [ONTD]
  • Some dumb website is getting sued for photoshopping naked pictures of Kate Upton. [The Hollywood Gossip]
  • Suki Waterhouse is reportedly impressed by how smart her boyfriend Bradley Cooper is. He is so smart, in fact, that he carries around “a backpack of very intellectual books… to stave off boredom.” [Radar]
  • Robin Thicke is trying really, reeaaaallllyyy hard to win Paula Patton back. [TMZ]
  • Lupita Nyong’o and Jared Leto are taking selfies in Paris right now. [Instagram]
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