Lady Gaga Wants to Buy Back Neverland Ranch for the Little Jacksons

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For Lady Gaga’s next trick, she will buy Neverland Ranch and cover it with black vinyl and spikes. Gaga, who has previously purchased 55 pieces of costly Jacko memorabilia, befriended LaToya Jackson and wants to help a “desperate” Paris, Prince and Blanket keep their 3,000-acre childhood home, which was sold to an investment group in 2008. The kids and Katherine Jackson still have shares.

Our Mother Monster, ever a philanthropist to the misanthropes, wants to help them out by buying more shares and “restoring Neverland to its original state,” complete with a little train, petting zoo, fairground and bleak, desiccated American dreams. I can see the Enquirer headline now: ODDLY-DRESSED HUMAN WOMAN POPS OUT OF EGG, SAVES JACKSON FAMILY. [NME]

After applying a exfoliating clay face mask and doing a thorough scouring of IMDB Pro on a low-key Friday night in, Taylor Swift reportedly chose Bradley Cooper as her next album fodder and had Jennifer Lawrence introduce them. Coop-a-doop, however, was having none of it:

“First of all, her reputation precedes her. Bradley is very wary of dating someone who is a bit of a serial dater like Taylor. He thinks she’s far too young for him. […] It was a little awkward for Bradley [when] Jennifer came to him and told him that Taylor was interested in getting together. He had to politely decline, knowing full well that Jennifer and Taylor are friends. It was an ambitious move from Taylor, but she’s going to have to fixate on someone else as Bradley’s just not that into her.”

Does T-Swizzle now have enough famous exes to recreate The Usual Suspects poster??? (You’re welcome, GQ.) [Radar Online]

Megan Fox tells Esquire she can’t stand pills and doesn’t like drinking because she feels out of control. You guys know what she likes? Speaking in tongues!

“It feels like a lot of energy coming through the top of your head. Your whole body is filled with this electric current. And you just start speaking, but you’re not thinking because you have no idea what you’re saying. Words are coming out of your mouth, and you can’t control it. The idea is that it’s a language that only God understands. It’s the language that’s spoken in heaven.”

She has also seen “magical, crazy things” happen and people get “healed” at church. I know whenever life throws problems my way, I turn to God. [NYDN]

Town & Country’s most eligible bachelor is Prince Harry, even though he does not learn school good:

He’s the wild-card royal, the naughty one, the one who goes out with rah women, hangs out with a fast crowd, downs too many drinks, and goes home at the wrong moment. That’s why we all like him best. Harry might not possess a towering intellect [but] he is cooler and more appealing than his older brother.

Haha, ouch. P.S. Just Googled “rah.” It means “posh twat.” [People]

George Clooney joked about cosmetic ‘nad surgery and had the LOLS for himself and others: “I never fixed my eyes, but I spent more money to stretch the skin of my testicles. I did not like the wrinkles. It’s a new technique, many people in Hollywood have done it. It’s called ‘ball ironing.'” []

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  • LiLo is also blackballed from the W Hotel in New York for causing $50,000 worth of damage. [Us Weekly]
  • Anne Hathaway apologized to her buddy Claire Danes for impersonating her Homeland character on SNL by sending her flowers. [Express]
  • Tamera Mowry tried to get Tia to eat her (Tamera’s) placenta by dropping it in brandy… Sorry, I just floated up at my body and looked down from the ceiling and pondered the strange road my life has gone down? [HuffPo]
  • David Bowie’s producer says that the second single off his new album sounds “dark and sexy… like stripper music from the 1950s. Old bump-and-grind stripper music.” All the old bump-and-grind strippers will be so happy! [The Sun]
  • The wedding dress Queen Bey wore in the “Best Thing I Never Had” video has surfaced on a resale website for $30,000. WORTH IT. [People]
  • Charlie Sheen’s going to be a grandpa. His daughter, 28-year-old Cassandra Estevez, is pregnant. Hide your kids, hide your wives. [Ace Showbiz]
  • Elton John’s new son with David Furnish is named Elijah Joseph Daniel Furnish-John. I’m kind of still not over the fact that one of his older son’s middle names is Levon? Anyone else? [People]
  • Jason Trawick ain’t getting $hit from Britney Spears after the dissolution of their engagement. [Radar Online]
  • Here are “Ten things you need to know about Niall Horan’s bum.” Don’t try to take the GRE without them. [Sugarscape]
  • Real talk: Does anybody actually care about Kate Bosworth?? [People]
  • Pregnant Jenna Dewan-Tatum and Emmanuelle Chriqui went to yoga. [Us Weekly]
  • Supposedly Selena Gomez has joined a “popular celeb Bible study group” to get over Justin Bieber. She should ask Megan Fox where she worships! [Us Weekly]
  • Kim Kardashian covers her head to cover the Arab luxury magazine Hia. [The Life Files]
  • Lifetime’s Drop Dead Diva has been cancelled. [THR]
  • New Yorkers Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts moved to L.A. with their kids. [Page Six]
  • The room where Whitney Houston died last year, Room 434 of the Beverly Hilton, is reportedly now being used for storage. [Page Six]
  • Olivia Wilde’s blurry-ass engagement ring. [NYDN]
  • Is Jessica Chastain going out with Tom Hiddleston? Alas, the answer appears to be no. [Gossip Cop]
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