Less Drama, More Cupcakes & Anal: Your Resolutions For 2011


Plenty of us want to run marathons. And pay off loans. And quit smoking. And floss more. And then there were the others…

This year, you resolved, among other things:

  • Be more high maintenance. This will ideally result in taking care of myself emotionally, spiritually and physically.
  • Watch at least 100 films I’ve never seen before.

  • Not be afraid to make a fool of myself.
  • Become capable of reading a Chinese newspaper.
  • Start a band. A Ramones-style punk band.

  • Only go out on dates with dudes I’m actually interested in, instead of just saying yes to be polite.
  • Give myself as much credit for my successes as I do my failures.
  • Remember that you are not at war with your body, that it wants to be healthy and hale, but you only get out what you put in (literally!)
  • Do foolhearty things twice as much – regret them half as often.
  • Spend less time in front of screens of any kind.
  • “Be the bombshell I know I am.”

  • No more cheap vodka.

  • Join a roller derby team!
  • Get rich. Seriously.

  • Go on vacation by myself.
  • Learn how to make puff pastry

  • Hookah more.
  • Give blood.
  • Run naked, when weather permits.
  • More “me” time! And anal sex. That’s a big one.
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