Look Who Decided to Show Up to the Party

Yeah, yeah, I get it. You were up in the light fixture because that’s where you like to think—it’s quiet, you told me once, and also, no one knows you’re there. Your kids leave you alone, the dog stops looking for you after a while, and then eventually, peace. But really, it’s not very nice to keep the rest of us waiting. I have a life. Julie has a life. So does Alison, even though I don’t know what it is.

See, Karen, the thing is, the party is over. We waited. The dip came out because the house was starting to smell like fetid produce and a teensy bit like farts; besides, Julie was hungry and you know how she gets when her blood sugar is low. I certainly didn’t have the time to hear her complain, and neither did anyone else. I really appreciate you showing up, though. Just text me next time you’re going to be late. And make sure you read the book, too.